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You have recently had a class discussion about the importance of taking care of your health. Now your English teacher has asked you to write an essay giving your opinions on the following statement: It is more important to be healthy than to be rich.

You have recently had a class discussion about the importance of taking care of your health. Now your English teacher has asked you to write an essay giving your opinions on the following statement: It is more important to be healthy than to be rich. NMlKd
It is a well-documented fact that an increasing number of people all over the world are drawing attention to the the importance of taking care of your health. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that it is important to e healthy than to be rich. However, others argue convincingly that to be wealthy is better than having a good health. As far as i am concerned, i totally agree with the former argument, and some major points will be addressed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the view that it is important to be healthy than to be rich should be taken to account. First of all, it is commonly accepted that a good health play an crucial role in our life. This is supported by the fact that we can not do anything without health. Furthermore, there is no denying that a good health is more important than to be wealthy. For instance, with a good health, we can enjoy everything we want and do everything we desire. To conclude, it is my strong belief that to be healthy is more important than to be rich. Therefore, I, highly recommend that awareness in terms of this above issue should be enhanced in the contemporary world. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive development of our future generations will be guaranteed.
It is a well-documented fact that an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all over the world are drawing attention to
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
importance of taking care of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who hold
firmly
to their belief that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to e
Use "healthier" to make a comparison with this adjective.
healthy
than to be rich.
However
, others argue
convincingly
that to be wealthy is better than having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. As far as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am concerned
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former argument, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major points will
be addressed
in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, the view that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to be
Use "healthier" to make a comparison with this adjective.
healthy
than to be rich should
be taken
to account.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
play
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
crucial role in our life. This
is supported
by the fact that we can not do anything without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Furthermore
, there is no denying that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than to be wealthy.
For instance
, with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, we can enjoy everything we want and do everything we desire.

To conclude
, it is my strong belief that to be healthy is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than to be rich.
Therefore
, I,
highly
recommend that awareness in terms of this above issue should
be enhanced
in the contemporary world. If this recommendation
is carried
out, the comprehensive development of our future generations will
be guaranteed
.
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IELTS essay You have recently had a class discussion about the importance of taking care of your health. Now your English teacher has asked you to write an essay giving your opinions on the following statement: It is more important to be healthy than to be rich.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • You have recently had a class discussion about the importance of taking care of your health. Now your English teacher has asked you to write an essay giving your opinions on the following statement: It is more important to be healthy than to be rich.