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Compare and contrast two schools that you have attended. Which did you like more? Use specific details and examples in your response. v.1

Compare and contrast two schools that you have attended. Which did you like more? Use specific details and examples in your response. v. 1
The internet has proliferated society so much so that everyone has an access to it. Reading through the internet has been highly debated. There are some who advocate that online reading materials should be the only learning methodology for children but the others cite that the traditional printed materials to be the best learning tool. In my point of view, online reading materials are favourable due to the ease of access. The internet provides people with an endless supply of knowledge and information. Parents can easily pick reading materials based on their children's ability and interests through the internet. Besides, when children have any doubts, they can immediately browse it online. This is a sufficient method to clarify misconceptions. Furthermore, when a child is learning a second language online. They can easily link to the e-dictionaries to look up the meaning in their mother tongue and learn the pronunciation of the native speakers. Online reading materials are useful to enhance children's language proficiency. Online reading materials are preferred by people due to its resourcefulness. Other than that, people are favoured in online reading materials because we are living in an era that almost everything is available in digital form. Children can learn to use the electronic gadgets and learn about latest technology while reading online materials. Moreover, online reading materials are very convenient compared to the printed version. Children just need to bring their light and small electronic gadgets along to learn. Additionally, online reading materials can be conductive for the society since it would save a lot of paper. Thus, help to reduce deforestation and our ecosystem can be safer for the younger generation. People like online reading materials due to its convenience and environmental friendly. On the other hand, there are some people believe that printed materials remain the best source for children to learn because it does not hurt our eyesight. As a result, more and more children are wearing spectacles due to long-term use of electronic gadgets. This is because the blue light coming out of the screen can badly affect human's eyesight and cause chronic disease such as glaucoma and astigmatism. In conclusion, online learning materials and traditional printed books have their individual merits and it is up to people to weight the pros and cons to find the best balance and the best approach.
The internet has proliferated society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that everyone has
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
through the internet has been
highly
debated. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
should be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
methodology for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the others cite that the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
tool.

In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of access. The internet provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with an endless supply of knowledge and information. Parents can
easily
pick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
based on their children's ability and interests through the internet.
Besides
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have any doubts, they can immediately browse it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. This is a sufficient method to clarify misconceptions.
Furthermore
, when a child is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a second language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. They can
easily
link to the e-dictionaries to look up the meaning in their mother tongue and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the pronunciation of the native speakers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are useful to enhance children's language proficiency.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are preferred
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to its resourcefulness.

Other than that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are living in an era that almost everything is available in digital form.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the electronic gadgets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technology while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
version.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to bring their light and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
electronic gadgets along to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
can be conductive for the society since it would save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
paper.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
deforestation and our ecosystem can be safer for the younger generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to its convenience and environmental friendly.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
remain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
source for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not hurt our eyesight.
As a result
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are wearing spectacles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to long-term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic gadgets. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the blue light coming out of the screen can
badly
affect human's eyesight and cause chronic disease such as glaucoma and astigmatism.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
books have their individual merits and it is up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to weight the pros and cons to find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
balance and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
approach.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Compare and contrast two schools that you have attended. Which did you like more? Use specific details and examples in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
390 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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