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Compare and contrast the advantages of choosing a stable career over an adventurous lifestyle. use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion v.1

Compare and contrast the advantages of choosing a stable career over an adventurous lifestyle. use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion v. 1
It is true that the women will play an increasingly important role at the workplaces in the future. Although many people argue that this may disturb their family lives, I strongly disagree with this argument. On the one hand, there are several reasons that the number of women, which are occupying the job positions are increasing. Firstly, with the proper and balanced education, women improve their qualifications. Thus, they are able to do the same task as men for many work orders. For example, in the past, many positions such as management positions were dedicated for men only, but nowadays it is shared with both gender and in some cases women outweigh the men. Secondly, many duties need especial patient to carry out the task. Since women are more patient than men, they can do the job more accurately. Finally, owing to human rights, society willing to give a balanced opportunity to the both genders. On the other hand, traditionally, women work at and men work out of the house. However, many men are still opposing women to be a breadwinner, but in the modern society, it should be shared between men and women. Moreover, apart from delivering a child, women have special abilities which cannot be found in men. Secondly, as women have rights to study and discover their abilities, people in public soon realize that women can have as many talents as men, and can do the job as well as men. Women’s ability to study and acquire academic knowledge is undeniably very good; they can be teachers, masters, or even professors. Although many people still consider women’s place to be in the kitchen and house, women’s appearances at office and in business are now appreciated, because women’s performances in daily work have proved their ability; they can be good employees or intelligent bosses even in jobs previously for men. In short, people are inclined not to consider others based on gender, but on talents, and task performances, thus women’s role in public and the workplace will be enhanced gradually in the future, as they posses as many talents as men and can work excellently as men. Furthermore, women worldwide is protected under the law, and their rights are ensured; nobody can degrade their role without facing law-related punishments.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will play an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role at the workplaces in the future. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that this may disturb their family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, I
strongly
disagree with this argument.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, which are occupying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions are increasing.
Firstly
, with the proper and balanced education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their qualifications.
Thus
, they are able to do the same task as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
orders.
For example
, in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positions such as management positions
were dedicated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays it
is shared
with both gender and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
duties need especial patient to carry out the task. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more patient than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, they can do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
more
accurately
.
Finally
, owing to human rights, society willing to give a balanced opportunity to the both genders.

On the other hand
,
traditionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
still
opposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to be a breadwinner,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the modern society, it should
be shared
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Moreover
, apart from delivering a child,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
which cannot
be found
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have rights to study and discover their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can have as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talents as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, and can do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to study and acquire academic knowledge is
undeniably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
; they can be teachers, masters, or even professors. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
place to be in the kitchen and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
appearances at office and in business are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
appreciated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
performances in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
have proved their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
; they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
employees or intelligent bosses even in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
previously for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
not to consider others based on gender,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on talents, and task performances,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
role in public and the workplace will
be enhanced
gradually
in the future, as
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they posses
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talents as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
excellently
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
worldwide
is protected
under the law, and their rights
are ensured
; nobody can degrade their role without facing law-related punishments.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Compare and contrast the advantages of choosing a stable career over an adventurous lifestyle. use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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