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Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree? v.10

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. v. 10
Recreational activities such as sports, cinemas etc. , are mandatory for the development of healthier communities. Many people among us believe that giant business groups or entrepreneurs should organize several sports or cultural events open to the common public. I completely agree with this view because it is beneficial for both the companies and natives. Firstly, various utilities are shared by companies such as land, water and electricity with villages; Therefore, arranging social facilities, as favours to the society, will strengthen the business ties of the companies with the native partners. Multiple factories have partnerships with the local vendors for the raw materials for production of their goods. For example- In Punjab, Nestle has partnerships with many local farmers for the raw materials- wheat and milk. In return, in addition to the payments, Nestle also arranges for soil pH tests, medical check ups for the cows, buffaloes, farmers etc. This way companies can establish their goodwill among the regional people by organizing social events and involving the local youth. Secondly, organizing sports and social events for the society will boost the moral of the organization. Most of the employees of the companies belong to the local communities. Employees will benefit because they will be able to relax their minds from the work and their mental health will improve eventually. For instance, employees will be able to participate and enjoy the yearly organization of sports event organized by their company with their families and friends, feeling positive about the organization they work for. Furthermore, such events will spread a goodwill of the company among the local communities and they will hence purchase the goods from the same brand. Therefore, there will be an increase in the profits of the company. In conclusion, the companies should arrange recreational events for the common public. This will not only benefit the society by creating healthier people, but help them in establishing better relationships with their employees and local partners as well.
Recreational activities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, cinemas etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
are mandatory for the development of healthier communities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
among us believe that giant business groups or entrepreneurs should organize several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
open to the common public. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is beneficial for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and natives.

Firstly
, various utilities
are shared
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
such as land, water and electricity with villages;
Therefore
, arranging social facilities, as
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
to the society, will strengthen the business ties of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with the native partners. Multiple factories have partnerships with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
vendors for the raw materials for production of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
For example
- In Punjab, Nestle has partnerships with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
farmers for the raw materials- wheat and milk. In return,
in addition
to the payments, Nestle
also
arranges for soil pH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
, medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
ups for the cows, buffaloes, farmers etc. This way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can establish their goodwill among the regional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by organizing social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and involving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
youth.

Secondly
, organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
for the society will boost the moral of the organization. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
belong to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
will benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be able to relax their minds from the work and their mental health will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
eventually
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will be able to participate and enjoy the yearly organization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
organized by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with their families and friends, feeling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
about the organization they work for.
Furthermore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
will spread a goodwill of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
communities and
they will
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from the same brand.
Therefore
, there will be an increase in the profits of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should arrange recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
for the common public. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit the society by creating healthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in establishing better relationships with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
partners
as well
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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