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community work as alternative for prison

community work as alternative for prison RW62Y
Certain prisoners could perform unpaid community work, instead of being put into a prison cell. I agree with this statement, because said criminals are able to reflect on their actions. Still, the severity of the committed crime must be taken into account. The general idea behind community work in combination with crimes committed is, to reflect on the harm that was done. If someone committs a crime like vandalism and is put behind bars, they are more likely to commit this crime again when set free. A better alternative could be, to make them clean up the mess they have made. By doing so, the prisoners are directly in touch with what they have done and are able to experience the amount of work they have caused. In many countries this is already a real practice for minor crimes. Furthermore, physical work is proven to be better for the prisoners mental health. Some people have turned crazy sitting in captivity. They are also able to benefit the community they previously have put harm to. In this case, both parties benefit from this type of punishment. However, only prisoners charged with minor crimes, like drug abuse should be eligeble for such alternative punishments. People considered pedophiles or murderers should not be allowed to do so, as the crimes they have committed are extremely severe. In addition to that, the more dangerous criminals are also thought to be more likely to try to escape or commit their crimes once again. When the severity of an offence is taken into account and the community work benefits previously harmed people, buildings or public spaces, the idea of this alternative has nothing standing in its way. In my opinion, this is a more humane alternative to putting people behind bars.
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
could perform unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
instead
of
being put
into a prison cell. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
said criminals are able to reflect on their actions.
Still
, the severity of the committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account.

The general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in combination with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed is, to reflect on the harm that
was done
. If someone
Possible spelling mistake found.
committs
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like vandalism and
is put
behind bars, they are more likely to commit this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again when set free. A better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
could be, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them clean up the mess they have made. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
are
directly
in touch with what they have done and are able to experience the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they have caused. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries this is already a real practice for minor crimes.

Furthermore
, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is proven
to be better for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
mental health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have turned crazy sitting in captivity. They are
also
able to benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
they previously have put harm to.
In this case
, both parties benefit from this type of punishment.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
charged with minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, like drug abuse should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
eligeble
for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
punishments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
considered pedophiles or murderers should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
they have committed are
extremely
severe.
In addition
to that, the more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
criminals are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be more likely to try to escape or commit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
once again.

When the severity of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
is taken
into account and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
benefits previously harmed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, buildings or public spaces, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
has nothing standing in its way. In my opinion, this is a more humane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
to putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behind bars.
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IELTS essay community work as alternative for prison

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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