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Community service is the best punishment for young people who commit a small crime. Do you agree or disagree?

Community service is the best punishment for young people who commit a small crime. 2r5LX
In Singapore, when a young person commits a petty crime such as graffiti on public properties, he or she is normally sentenced to prison, given a fine, or community service. In my opinion, I believe that community service is the best option. First of all, community service often persuades a young person not to commit crimes again. For instance, working with sick children or old people makes young offenders realize that there are people who have more difficult lives than they do. It is known that community service provides an educational experience that is beneficial for young people whereas, going to prison or paying a fine is not. Secondly, spending time in prison results in young people meeting other criminals who might have committed serious crimes such as murder, fraud or drug-dealing. Mixing around these offenders enables them to learn more about the criminal world. This may tempt them into committing more serious crimes in the future. In addition, in prisons, many of the prisoners take drugs and this is terrible example for young offenders. To sum up, I believe that community service has important advantages 6. both for minor offenders and for the community. It teaches young offenders to learn from their mistakes in a positive way and prevent them from re-offending.
In Singapore, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person commits a petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
such as graffiti on public properties, he or she is
normally
sentenced to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a fine, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is the best option.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
persuades a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person not to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again.
For instance
, working with sick children or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
makes
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young
offenders realize that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have more difficult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than they do. It
is known
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
provides an educational experience
that is
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whereas, going to
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prison
or paying a fine is not.

Secondly
, spending time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
meeting other criminals who might have committed serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as murder, fraud or drug-dealing. Mixing around these offenders enables them to learn more about the criminal world. This may tempt them into committing more serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the future.
In addition
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the prisoners take drugs and this is terrible example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantages 6.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
both
for minor offenders and for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. It teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders

to learn from their mistakes in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from

re-offending.
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IELTS essay Community service is the best punishment for young people who commit a small crime.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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