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College students should participate in extracurricular activities or get a part-time job

College students should participate in extracurricular activities or get a part-time job VrLYJ
Nowadays, when students go to university they can do whatever they want. They can take part in extracurricular activities or get a part-time job. However, it is clear that participate in extracurricular activities will bring them more benefits. This essay will explain more clearly. First of all, it will help you to have more soft skills. For instance, when students join an English club, they not only strengthen their basic English skills but also have more skills in communicating with foreigners or problem-solving skills. Moreover, take part in activities in college will be a stepping stone to interact with people. We will have close-knit with friends, expand relationships to support each other, and solidarity at work. On the contrary, if you are a person who works alone, it will be more difficult for you to complete the business. Finally, the activities that you participate in will bring you many scholarships, awards, and recognition from people. You will have an expense to cover your life. On the other hand, that will make your resume more impressive for employers when you apply for a job in the future. In conclusion, participating in extracurricular activities at university will give you more experience, more benefits for your plans than a part-time job.
Nowadays, when students go to university they can do whatever they want. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a part-time job.
However
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that participate in extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will bring them more benefits. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
more
clearly
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to have more soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, when students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
an English club, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
strengthen their basic English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in communicating with foreigners or

problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in college will be a stepping stone to interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. We will have close-knit with friends, expand relationships to support each other, and solidarity at work.
On the contrary
, if you are a person who works alone, it will be more difficult for you to complete the business.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that you participate in will bring you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scholarships, awards, and recognition from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. You will have an expense to cover your life.
On the other hand
, that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your resume more impressive for employers when you apply for a job in the future.

In conclusion
, participating in extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at university will give you more experience, more benefits for your plans than a part-time job.
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IELTS essay College students should participate in extracurricular activities or get a part-time job

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
208 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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