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City planners’ new designs include setting up schools, markets and commercial places (like office) in different areas of the city. Do you think it will help the city dwellers? v.3

City planners’ new designs include setting up schools, markets and commercial places (like office) in different areas of the city. Do you think it will help the city dwellers? v. 3
A planned city can be a blessing for the residences while an unplanned one can be quite the opposite and that is why planning is a crucial part while establishing a new city. Though traditional cities distinguish the residential area and include plans to build commercial and public service buildings altogether, away from the main area, many modern designers prefer these commercial establishments to be located at different places and I am quite convinced that the later one would bring more benefits to the city dwellers. To begin with, though traditional cities are initially planned to have commercial buildings located in the centre of the city, to be away from the main residential area, in a few years, the structure of the city changes and it becomes more unplanned city than ever. It is natural that parents would prefer to send their children to a nearby school while shoppers would love to shop from around the corner. As a consequence, residential areas at a time become semi-commercial areas and traffic congestion kills people’s valuable time. In such cities, pollution increases and a few percentages of landlords get higher commercial rents while others do not. On the contrary, if cities have saturated commercial settings, it will assure a balanced residential and commercial establishments and city dwellers would be greatly benefitted from it. The house rent would be fair and the traffic condition on the roads would be far better. Furthermore, the authority would have a control over the future expansion of the area and face fewer difficulties to ensure the necessary facilities for the local people. To conclude, the modern city planning that supports the location of commercial entities and public services to be built in various areas of the city rather than having those altogether offers numerous advantages to the local authorities including less traffic jam, better public facilities, fair rent and future expansion of the city.
A planned city can be a blessing for the residences while an unplanned one can be quite the opposite and
that is
why planning is a crucial part while establishing a new city. Though traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
distinguish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and include plans to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
and public service buildings altogether, away from the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern designers prefer these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
establishments to
be located
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
places and
I am quite convinced that the later one would bring more benefits to the city dwellers.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, though traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
initially
planned to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
buildings located in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the city, to be away from the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, in a few years, the structure of the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and it becomes more unplanned city than ever. It is natural that parents would prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to a nearby school while shoppers would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to shop from around the corner. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
at a time become semi-commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and traffic congestion kills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s valuable time. In such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, pollution increases and a few percentages of landlords
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
rents while others do not.

On the contrary
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
settings, it will assure a balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
establishments and city dwellers would be
greatly
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from it. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rent would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and the traffic condition on the roads would be far better.
Furthermore
, the authority would have a control over the future expansion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and face fewer difficulties to ensure the necessary facilities for the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, the modern city planning that supports the location of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
entities and public services to
be built
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of the city
rather
than having those altogether offers numerous advantages to the local authorities including less traffic jam, better public facilities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
rent and future expansion of the city.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay City planners’ new designs include setting up schools, markets and commercial places (like office) in different areas of the city. Do you think it will help the city dwellers? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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