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City life advantages or disadvantages ?

City life advantages or disadvantages? 6L7R8
City life is to people, what a d drug is to sick people. The matter is that is whether living in city is better or not. In fact, such an experience is proven to be mixed blessing, which is to be appraisaled thoroughly. Nobody can deny, living in the city has no negative point, it can be environmentally harmful. Considering air pollution problems, a group of old people might to hard breathe. despite environmentally drawback, the number of respiratory problems has increase sharply. A clear example is factory and vehicles produce a lot of pollution due to cutting trees and spreading fuel and gas into the air. Old people complaining about this serious environment problem. Weather condition is really impact on where people or animals live. There also seems to be some emotional trouble as some people work a lot and cannot meet their family and friends as soon as possible. Since the people are going to city from countryside, it can be financially helpful. They are going to move into the modern city, owing to they can easily access to everything. A case point is is many shops, medical center, educational institutes and museums are here. I completely sure almost all family has satisfaction of work-life balance. Accessing to everything what they want, might be financial help. One of the other advantages is they can become familiars with different culture and civilization encompass rituals and traditions.
City life is to
people
, what a d drug is to sick
people
. The matter is
that is
whether living in city is better or not. In fact, such an experience
is proven
to
be mixed
blessing, which is to be
appraisaled
thoroughly
.

Nobody can deny, living in the city has no
negative
point, it can be
environmentally
harmful. Considering air pollution problems, a group of
old
people
might to
hard
breathe.
despite
environmentally
drawback, the number of respiratory problems has increase
sharply
. A
clear
example is factory and vehicles produce
a lot of
pollution due to cutting trees and spreading fuel and gas into the air.
Old
people
complaining about this serious environment problem. Weather condition is
really
impact on where
people
or animals
live
. There
also
seems to be
some
emotional trouble as
some
people
work a lot and cannot
meet
their family and friends as
soon
as possible.

Since the
people
are going to city from countryside, it can be
financially
helpful. They are going to
move
into the modern city, owing to they can
easily
access to everything. A case point
is is
many
shops, medical center, educational institutes and museums are here. I completely sure almost all family has satisfaction of work-life balance. Accessing to everything what they want, might be financial
help
. One of the other advantages is they can become familiars with
different
culture and civilization encompass rituals and traditions.
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IELTS essay City life advantages or disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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