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Advertisement negatives and positives

Advertisement negatives and positives 0l0N5
No one can escape from watching advertisements since they are on every platform from newspapers, TV to social media. While many are against it and believe it has negative outcomes, others think differently and believe it is a healthy development to the economy. This essay will discuss both views and state why I agree with those who are proponents of advertising. Many argue that advertisements have adversely affected the financial health of many families. If people are exposed to a product on TV or social media, they will unconsciously desire to purchase that product even if they do not need it. This will increase their expenditures and reduce their monthly savings which will result in depleting their retirement fund. Smartphones, for instance, are not required to be upgraded each year since their life cycle is around 4 years, but people tend to purchase a new phone each year or two because of the extensive media attention around the specifications of the new phone. Others, however, think that advertisements have plenty of benefits to the economy. First of all, advertising is a multi-billion industry which offers millions of jobs around the world. This job creation reduces unemployment and increases the government income from taxes which can be used to improve the economy, pay debts and other expenditures such as healthcare and infrastructure. Another advantage of advertisement is supporting startups and entrepreneurs. Research has found that after the introduction of advertisements, the percentage of startups that go bankrupt is significantly declining. In my view, I think advertisements are beneficial to the community because of their positive impacts on the economy. Although some individuals are financially damaged by them, it is their mistake not to manage their wealth wisely. I believe the advertisement industry should not be punished due to the spending habits of people. In conclusion, while many argue that advertisement has detrimental effects on people financially, others think that it is healthy for the economy. I stand with the view that supports the existence of advertisement in our life because its negative side can be mitigated if people become more aware of how to spend their money.
No one can escape from watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
since they are on every platform from newspapers, TV to social media. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are against it and believe it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
differently
and believe it is a healthy development to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. This essay will discuss both views and state why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who are proponents of advertising.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the financial health of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
to a product on TV or social media, they will
unconsciously
desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
that product even if they do not need it. This will increase their expenditures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their monthly savings which will result in depleting their retirement fund. Smartphones,
for instance
, are not required to
be upgraded
each year since their life cycle is around 4 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a new phone each year or two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the extensive media attention around the specifications of the new phone.

Others,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, advertising is a multi-billion industry which offers millions of jobs around the world. This job creation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
unemployment and increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
income from taxes which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, pay debts and other expenditures such as healthcare and infrastructure. Another advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is supporting startups and entrepreneurs. Research has found that after the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, the percentage of startups that go bankrupt is
significantly
declining.

In my view, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are beneficial to the community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are
financially
damaged by them, it is their mistake not to manage their wealth
wisely
. I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
industry should not
be punished
due to the spending habits of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
financially
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is healthy for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. I stand with the view that supports the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side can
be mitigated
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more aware of how to spend their money.
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IELTS essay Advertisement negatives and positives

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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