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Citizen should start wearing their national costumes every day to show pride and patriotism to their country. Do you agree or disagree?

Citizen should start wearing their national costumes every day to show pride and patriotism to their country. yDlNE
It is considered that people should take their pride in terms of wearing national dress every day. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that costumes are the only one for us to show our nationalism. First, traditional costumes are overrated. Wearing it preserves a country's heritage and educate people about their history. We dress up while we’re at home, at work, travelling and when attending a special occasion. For instance, when there’s a universal pageant, whoever represented the Philippines will wear the national costume provided by a well-known designer from its own country. The materials used are from the parts of the nation and with this we take our own honor. Second, the clothing style and fashion sense of the modern-era have been influenced by their native ancestors. We live in a society where people tend to wear whatever they want. What is shown by the media on television, fashion show, etc. conforms their way of dressing. For example, H&M is a store of clothes with different variation. It is originated from Sweden. Buying it doesn’t show any patriotism because you just wanted to have one. To conclude, I strongly believe that showing your devotion or loyalism to one’s country is not only dressing up.
It
is considered
that
people
should take their pride in terms of wearing national dress every day. I completely disagree with this opinion and
think
that costumes are the
only
one for us to
show
our nationalism.

First
, traditional costumes
are overrated
. Wearing it preserves a country's heritage and educate
people
about their history. We dress up while we’re at home, at work, travelling and when attending a special occasion.
For instance
, when there’s a universal pageant, whoever represented the Philippines will wear the national costume provided by a well-known designer from its
own
country. The materials
used
are from the parts of the nation and with this we take our
own
honor.

Second, the clothing style and fashion sense of the modern-era have
been influenced
by their native ancestors. We
live
in a society where
people
tend to wear whatever they want. What
is shown
by the media on television, fashion
show
, etc. conforms their way of dressing.
For example
, H&M is a store of clothes with
different
variation. It
is originated
from Sweden. Buying it doesn’t
show
any patriotism
because
you
just
wanted to have one.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that showing your devotion or loyalism to one’s country is not
only
dressing up.
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IELTS essay Citizen should start wearing their national costumes every day to show pride and patriotism to their country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
207 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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