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Cities have more hospitals and schools, but villages do not  have many facilities in many countries. Should we employ more doctors and teachers in rural areas to make the situation better? Or doctors and teachers should be free to choose workplace either in city or village. Dicuss both sides and also give your own opinion.

Cities have more hospitals and schools, but villages do not have many facilities in many countries. Should we employ more doctors and teachers in rural areas to make the situation better? Or doctors and teachers should be free to choose workplace either in city or village. Dicuss both sides and also give your own opinion. Mxyo
It is a fact that urban areas have more facilities as compared to rural areas. That is why most of the professionals such as doctors and teachers prefer to work in the cities. Firstly, doctors and teachers choose workplaces in cities because their families enjoy the facilities provided by cities. There children can study in prestigious schools and universities. Libraries, gymasiums and parks will be present in urban areas, so people can enjoy many recreational activities. Moreover, game zones and shopping malls are present in urban areas, and people can enjoy a lot by visiting these places. On the other hand, villages don not have even  drainage system. Transportation services are also not good in most of the villages, so workers will have to spend a lot of time during commuting. Moreover, there are also not any shopping malls in villages. That is why people people will have to go to city just for buying clothes. In my opinion, governments should improve the road infrastructure of villages. In this way, local economies will grow exponentially. Furthermore, construction of museums and parks will attract the professionals to work in the rural areas. Then, doctors and teachers will not hesitate to choose workplace in the villages. In conclusion, doctors and teachers will love to work in rural areas if villages have all the basic facilities.
It is a fact that urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have more facilities as compared to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
That is
why most of the professionals such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
prefer to work in the cities.

Firstly
,
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doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
choose workplaces in cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their families enjoy the facilities provided by cities. There children can study in prestigious schools and universities. Libraries,
Possible spelling mistake found.
gymasiums
and parks will be present in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recreational activities.
Moreover
, game zones and shopping malls are present in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy a lot by visiting these places.

On the other hand
,
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villages
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
have even
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
drainage system. Transportation services are
also
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in most of the
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villages
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
workers will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time during commuting.
Moreover
, there are
also
not any shopping malls in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for buying clothes.

In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the road infrastructure of villages.

In this way, local economies will grow
exponentially
.
Furthermore
, construction of museums and parks will attract the professionals to work in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will not hesitate to choose workplace in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to work in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
have all the basic facilities.

IELTS essay Cities have more hospitals and schools, but villages do not have many facilities in many countries. Should we employ more doctors and teachers in rural areas to make the situation better? Or doctors and teachers should be free to choose workplace either in city or village. Dicuss both sides and also give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Cities have more hospitals and schools, but villages do not  have many facilities in many countries. Should we employ more doctors and teachers in rural areas to make the situation better? Or doctors and teachers should be free to choose workplace either in city or village. Dicuss both sides and also give your own opinion.