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Choosing a career in the early age

Choosing a career in the early age Wm30b
Many younger people tend to choose a career option before they get matured and it is believed by some people that choosing a job in the earlier period of life will wnsure a great deal of job satisfaction. Acknowledging the benefits of having a job in early life, I agree with with this argument. To start with. There are some benefit to choose a career in the younger period itself. Firstly, it would make them more financially independent as they are earning money to pay their bills and they no longer required depend on parents for money, which in turns help them to grow as a mature adult. Again, compared to the elders, younger people have more energy and enthusiasm, which really help them to work hard to improve the productivity in the work place and it eventually help them a sense satisfaction.
Many
younger
people
tend to choose a career option
before
they
get
matured and it
is believed
by
some
people
that choosing a job in the earlier period of life will
wnsure
a great deal of job satisfaction. Acknowledging the benefits of having a job in early life, I
agree
with with
this argument. To
start
with. There are
some
benefit to choose a career in the younger period itself.
Firstly
, it would
make
them more
financially
independent as they are earning money to pay their
bills and
they no longer required depend on parents for money, which in turns
help
them to grow as a mature adult. Again, compared to the elders, younger
people
have more energy and enthusiasm, which
really
help
them to work
hard
to
improve
the productivity in the work place and it
eventually
help
them a sense satisfaction.
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IELTS essay Choosing a career in the early age

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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