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Choose an electronic device. Say why it is important for you. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v.1

Choose an electronic device. Say why it is important for you. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 1
There is no gainsaying the fact that the advertisement has influenced peoples’ perspectives about the marketed products. With the ubiquity of advertisements, the same products and services are displayed over and over again. It is often argued by some people that this phenomenon negatively distorts the public views about the display of goods and services. However, I find it has both merits and demerits which will be hashed out at upcoming paragraphs with compelling examples. Admittedly, commercials have certain benefits to the individual and the society. The first and foremost purpose of advertisement is to provide key information about a product to the viewers. It would help customers to decide the best product among the various options present in the market. What more is that eminent personalities promote several items which help sellers to gain customers trust to buy their goods. For instance, nowadays movie stars acts in television commercials helping companies for larger customers acquisition. However, on the flip side, the omnipresence of product promotions has influenced the people to buy them. Several times, these ads encourage customers to purchase unnecessary items which are not needed. Consequently, customers over spend on those products leading to decompose more, causing a burden on the environment. Additionally, the younger generation majorly attracted by the highlighted items. To conclude, having mulled over above viewpoints, despite the advantages of advertisements to the end users, its drawbacks can not be ignored. The excess display can bring negative impacts on individuals and society as a whole. Therefore, in my perspective, these should have regulation on display of products along with consumers should have awareness about highlighted goods and services.
There is no gainsaying the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has influenced peoples’
The usual preposition for "perspectives" is "on" not "about." Revise: "perspectives on".
perspectives about
the marketed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. With the ubiquity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services
are displayed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
again. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that this phenomenon
negatively
distorts the public views about the display of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services.
However
, I find it has both merits and demerits which will
be hashed
out at upcoming paragraphs with compelling examples.

Admittedly
, commercials have certain benefits to the individual and the society. The
first
and foremost purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is to provide key information about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to the viewers. It would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
to decide the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
among the various options present in the market. What more is that eminent personalities promote several items which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
sellers to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
trust to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
For instance
, nowadays movie stars acts in television commercials helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for larger
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "customers'" or "customer's"?
customers
acquisition.

However
, on the flip side, the omnipresence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
promotions has influenced the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them. Several times, these ads encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
unnecessary items which are not needed.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
spend on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
leading to decompose more, causing a burden on the environment.
Additionally
, the younger generation
majorly
attracted by the highlighted items.

To conclude
, having mulled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
above viewpoints, despite the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
users, its drawbacks can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. The excess display can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on individuals and society as a whole.
Therefore
, in my perspective, these should have regulation on display of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
along with consumers should have awareness about highlighted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Choose an electronic device. Say why it is important for you. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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