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Choose a type of music that you enjoy and explain why you like listening to it. Please include specific details in your explanation. v.1

Choose a type of music that you enjoy and explain why you like listening to it. Please include specific details in your explanation. v. 1
It is usually thought that all children should stay at institute until the age of eighteen. Although staying at school until adulthood can produce a figure benefits, I personally disagree with this idea for a number of reasons, which will be outlined in this essay. On the one hand, the idea that children should continue to study at institution until the youth of eighteen does have a number of benefits. Firstly, most young people under the age of eighteen have very little real-world experience and have an extremely little intention of what career they will pursue, and therefore staying at school until the age of eighteen will allow them further opportunity to develop their education and time to decide upon a suitable career path. Furthermore, forcing children to stay at seminary until the youth of eighteen will create a more educated future generation of people which may help to reduce some social and unemployment problems. On the other hand, there is also a figure of drawbacks that this idea may bring with it. For instance, many children these days do not fit-in with the current education system and forcing them to participate in school can cause many problems. For example, these kinds of students are usually exactly disruptive in a classroom and this affects other students who are trying to learn. In addition to this, many children choose to follow careers that do not require them to continue studying in school past the age of sixteen. For example, for those who wish to pursue a career that requires more practical based learning, such as a qualified builder, electrician or machinery operator, it is quite unnecessary to remain at academy until the age of eighteen. By way of conclusion, recently, however, there would be a number of positive effects of children remaining in school until a later age. From my perspective, feel that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits mentioned above.
It is
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should stay at institute until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen. Although staying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until adulthood can produce a figure benefits, I
personally
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for a number of reasons, which will
be outlined
in this essay.

On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should continue to study at institution until the youth of eighteen does have a number of benefits.
Firstly
, most young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
real-world experience and have an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
intention of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
they will pursue, and
therefore
staying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them
further
opportunity to develop their education and time to decide upon a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path.
Furthermore
, forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay at seminary until the youth of eighteen will create a more educated future generation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social and unemployment problems.

On the other hand
, there is
also
a figure of drawbacks that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
may bring with it.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days do not fit-in with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
education system and forcing them to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
For example
, these kinds of students are
usually
exactly disruptive in a classroom and this affects other students who are trying to learn.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
that do not require them to continue studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
past the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of sixteen.
For example
, for those who wish to pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that requires more practical based learning, such as a qualified builder, electrician or machinery operator, it is quite unnecessary to remain at academy until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen.

By way of conclusion, recently,
however
, there would be a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
remaining in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until a later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. From my perspective, feel that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits mentioned above.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Choose a type of music that you enjoy and explain why you like listening to it. Please include specific details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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