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Choose a person in your extended family who is your idol. Write his or her biography. Include how he or she has inspired you.

Choose a person in your extended family who is your idol. Write his or her biography. Include how he or she has inspired you. 856Ok
Most people may have an idol or who’s inspired them to do something, but if we talk about a person in our family we will have one person that makes us proud of him or she and this kind of people may make us do something like them because they may inspire us to do something like them. If we talk about the person in our family that inspired us or we should he or she to be our idol, this why I also have one person in my family that makes me be like her that is my mom, she is the person that I have expected her. She is a person that very strong in her mind because when she does something that is very hard for her but this thing did not make her stop doing it she still tries to do this thing until she finished. This way my mom makes me be like her because she makes me to strong and makes me depend myself like her, for instance when I have something that is very hard for me I will try until it has done like now that I have tried to do this essay that is very hard to me because my grammar is very bad but I still try to do it until I’m successful. , Finally, this is good things if we have expected someone in our family that makes us be good like he or she because if we have someone that inspired us, it can make us succeed with the thing that we want to do like our idol.
Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may have an idol or who’s inspired them to do
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something
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we talk about a
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person
in our
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family
we will have one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us proud of
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
him or
she and this kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
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make
us do
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something
like them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may inspire us to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
like them.

If we talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that inspired
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us or
we should he or she to be our idol, this why I
also
have one
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person
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
me be like her
that is
my mom, she is the
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person
that I have
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expected
her. She is a
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person
that
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very
strong in her mind
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because
when she does
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something
that is
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very
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hard
for her
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but
this thing did not
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make
her
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stop
doing it she
still
tries to do this thing until she finished. This way my mom
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makes
me be like her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
me to strong and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
me
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
myself like her,
for instance
when I have
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something
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for me I will try until it has done like
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now
that I have tried to do this essay
that is
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very
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hard
to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my grammar is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
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bad
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but
I
still
try to do it until I’m successful.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
Finally
, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things if we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
someone in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
like he or she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we have someone that inspired us, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us succeed with the thing that we want to do like our idol.

IELTS essay Choose a person in your extended family who is your idol. Write his or her biography. Include how he or she has inspired you.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
270 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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