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It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries?

It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? 9L6kX
We have a lot of countries in the world. Each of them has especially culture, foods, custom, history, art, technology. By travelling to a country, we learn a lot of information about it. This information might help us to change our lives. In my opinion, we must first travel inside. I have some reason for it. Firstly, travelling inside, improve the tourism industry. Secondly, it's an opportunity to creating new jobs. Finally, we understand past and current culture in every place. For example, in, Iran we have a lot of language such as Turkey, Lori, Gilaki. People who live in Gilan, spoken Gilaki. They have an interesting culture, in, additional they have a lot of heroin history. Improve tourism industry cause people in other country know better about our country. And also we can keep safe our monuments. For, the example we must protect someplace place like Takhte Jamshid. When we travel to another country country, we can see how much different it is between our country and them. , Also we can introduce our country to them. Travelling to each place teach us the people how to think, how lives, and also how movement in their country acts. In conclusion, I prefer first travel inside my country and know everything about my country and also see people in another country country, talked to them, see their current lives and use their experience in my life. Moreover, temp them to travel to my country and enjoy from my culture and people and every beautiful place we have
We have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world. Each of them has
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, foods, custom, history, art, technology. By travelling to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, we learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of information about it. This information might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In my opinion, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
inside. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason for it.
Firstly
, travelling inside,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the tourism industry.
Secondly
, it's an opportunity to creating new jobs.
Finally
, we understand past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
For example
, in, Iran we have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of language such as Turkey, Lori,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gilaki
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gilan
, spoken
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gilaki
. They have an interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, in, additional they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of heroin history.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Improve
tourism industry cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
know better about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. And
also
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
safe our monuments. For, the example we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
protect someplace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Takhte
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jamshid
.

When we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
it is between our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and them.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
Also
we can introduce our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to them. Travelling to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
teach us the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and
also
how movement in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
acts.

In conclusion
, I prefer
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
inside my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
Did you mean "now"?
know
everything about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, talked to them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their experience in my life.
Moreover
, temp them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and enjoy from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
we have
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IELTS essay It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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