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Chooing career path early is good or not

Chooing career path early is good or not MMeeN
Although, various people claim making a decision on their occupation track early in life and holding on to it, lead to a more satisfying lives. This essay will agree with this opinion and also discuss a way people will have a satisfying work life. Being a goal oriented person, I think is the main reason why people decide on a career early in life. A career minded individual means you are motivated by a clear goal, which indicates you set a plan that is transparent and keep you going everyday. For example, Bill Gate had a clear vision of been a software developer. At 13 he wrote his first software program in his high school. And at 63 he said and I quote “ his level of happiness is much higher than now than at 25 because he choose to follow this decision he made growing up and he is still holding on to it”. Therefore, being goal oriented results in effective planning and help prioritize decisions. Having a positive minded coworkers around you help in maintaining a satisfying work life. It create a positive environment, reduce stress and increase productivity level at work. For instance, a cheerful complements and feedback from a fellow employee makes an individual feels good and motivates him to forge ahead. This action will hopefully help people to have a pleasing work life. In conclusion, I strongly believe that an early decision in career path can assist people to be goal oriented and having a positive coworkers help to maintain a work life satisfaction. 265 words
Although, various
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people
claim making a decision on their occupation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
early in
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life
and holding on to it, lead to a more satisfying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
also
discuss a way
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people
will have a satisfying
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work
life.

Being a
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goal
oriented person, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide on a career early in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A career minded individual means you
are motivated
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
, which indicates you set a plan
that is
transparent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you going
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
For example
, Bill Gate had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
vision of been a software developer. At
The comma is probably missing here: "13, he".
13 he
wrote his
first
software program in his high school. And at 63 he said and I quote
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
his level of happiness is much higher than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than at 25
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "chooses", "chose".
choose
to follow this decision he made growing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up and
he is
still
holding on to it”.
Therefore
, being
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goal
oriented results in effective planning and
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help
prioritize decisions.

Having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
minded
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "coworker"?
coworkers
around you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in maintaining a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
Did you mean "creates"?
create
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and increase productivity level at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, a cheerful complements and feedback from a fellow employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual feels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and motivates him to forge ahead. This action will
hopefully
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a pleasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that an early decision in career path can assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
oriented and having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
coworkers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
satisfaction.

265 words
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IELTS essay Chooing career path early is good or not

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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