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Children watch too much TV nowadays and this is bad for their education and development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Children watch too much TV nowadays and this is bad for their education and development. YRYbN
There is an increasingly growing popular idea that watching TV excessively among children has negative impacts on their academic performance and growth in modern society. To a certain extent I agree that there are some bad influence. However, I also believe that it brings a host of benefits to them. On the one hand, there are some reasons why this is bad for children’s learning and development. First off, they can suffer from a variety of diseases ranging from vision problems to obesity when they spend a large amount of time keeping their eyes glued to TV screens and not doing any physical activities else. Secondly, their academic achievement will decline seriously unless they know how to manage their time between studying and watching. Finally, there are a number of films and programs containing violent contents which are inappropriate for children to watch because they can be inducing some severe consequences for children. Specifically, their behavior and insight are able to be changed by watching violent shows too much. On the other hand, I suppose that television plays a vital role in children’s life. There are a lot of TV channels and programs which include educational contents. So, it enables children to widen their horizons through watching them. For example, “It’s Okay To Be Smart” is a channel about science. Not only does it brings to children a great deal of novel knowledge that they may not be taught at school but also it is particularly fascinating for them to watch. Furthermore, they will know how to behave appropriately thank for channels and programs relating to children’s life skills. They can raise children’s awareness about environmental pollution as well. In conclusion, although there are many argument sparked about the severely adverse effects on children education and development, I still strongly support the idea that there also lots of positive aspects in children’s watching TV.
There is an
increasingly
growing popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that watching TV
excessively
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their academic performance and growth in modern society. To a certain extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence.
However
, I
also
believe that it brings a host of benefits to them.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
learning and development.
First
off, they can suffer from a variety of diseases ranging from vision problems to obesity when they spend a large amount of time keeping their eyes glued to TV screens and not doing any physical activities else.
Secondly
, their academic achievement will decline
seriously
unless they know how to manage their time between studying and watching.
Finally
, there are a number of films and programs containing violent contents which are inappropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can be inducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe consequences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Specifically
, their behavior and insight are able to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by watching violent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
too much.

On the other hand
, I suppose that television plays a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
TV channels and programs which include educational contents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to widen their horizons through watching them.
For example
, “It’s Okay To Be Smart” is a channel about science. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
Did you mean "bring"? As 'do' is already inflected, the verb cannot also be inflected.
brings
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a great deal of novel knowledge that they may not
be taught
at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is
particularly
fascinating for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
Furthermore
, they will know how to behave
appropriately
thank for channels and programs relating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They can raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
awareness about environmental pollution
as well
.

In conclusion
, although there are
Possible agreement error. The noun argument seems to be countable; consider using: "many arguments".
many argument
sparked about the
severely
adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
education and development, I
still
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that there
also
lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
watching TV.
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IELTS essay Children watch too much TV nowadays and this is bad for their education and development.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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