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Children watch more tv or playing vedio phon wt r affect of it on them

Children watch more tv or playing vedio phon wt r affect of it on them 0AdW3
In the modernisation period children from the age of 7 to 11 watch television and prefer to play games on mobile phones and they also watch videos for long period which affects their health structure. In the ancient time children used to play physical games in the family and with their neighbourers and were bodies were much healthy and with this they were also distribute love and affection with each others which was increase their physical as well as mental ability too strong. Physical games were also remains fruitful to make the better society and a happy family because it was tie up the family members in one rope and children were much abided by their parents. On the other children in present time are not fully abided and they prefer to choose their own ways because they mostly spend their valuable time on the mobile phones to watch videos and play games on it and also use their time to watch television hence this tendency of chilren are going them far away from play physical games which make them healthy and using electronic devices their is no love and affection between the youngsters and their parents, families and neighbourers and affecting their life. In conclusion it is my opinion that children who prefer to watch television and to play games on mobile phones and keen to watch videos on it is more harmful for better society and for a family and for increasing love and affection between them and their families.
In the
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the age of 7 to 11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
television and prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on mobile
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
phones and
they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
videos for long period which affects their health structure. In the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
neighbourers
and
Did you mean "where bodies were"?
were bodies were
much healthy and with this they were
also
Consider using a past participle here: "distributed".
distribute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
which was increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
as well
as mental ability too strong.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were
also
remains fruitful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the better society and a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was
Consider using a past participle here: "tied".
tie
up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members in one rope and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were much abided by their parents. On the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are not
fully
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
abided and
they prefer to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
mostly
spend their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the mobile phones to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
videos and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on it and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
television
hence
this tendency of
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilren
are going them far away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them healthy and using electronic devices
Did you mean "there"?
their
is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection between the youngsters and their parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
neighbourers
and affecting their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, it".
conclusion it
is my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
television and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on mobile phones and keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
videos on it is more harmful for better society and for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and for increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection between them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
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IELTS essay Children watch more tv or playing vedio phon wt r affect of it on them

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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