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Children today are less active than they were on the past

Children today are less active than they were on the past Vw0Wm
Many people say that these day children not as active as much time than they were in the past. Some people think that school should provide more time for PE class. However, I disagree with some reasons. In this essay I will explain why. Firstly, Nowadays physical education provide student to know how to be teamwork and forgiveness. Some sport for example football, basketball, volleyball are playing as a team, so there might have a mistake, Then they will learn to apologize. There are many hours that kids study in a week, if children do some exercise there will rest their brain. To sum up, I agree with today kids are less active than they were in the past because they have social media or games that attractive them more than exercise. However, I disagree with the school should provide more time to study physical education because they might tried to study next class.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that these day children not as active as much time than they were in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that school should provide more time for PE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
However
, I disagree with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

Firstly
, Nowadays physical education provide student to know how to be teamwork and forgiveness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
sport
for example
football, basketball, volleyball are playing as a team,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there might have a mistake, Then they will learn to apologize. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours that kids study in a week, if children do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise there will rest their brain.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
kids are less active than they were in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have social media or games that attractive them more than exercise.
However
, I disagree with the school should provide more time to study physical education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might
The verb 'might' requires the base form of the verb: "try"
tried
to study
next
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

IELTS essay Children today are less active than they were on the past

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
154 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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