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children tend to eat unhealthier than past generations and have a different lifestyle from them

children tend to eat unhealthier than past generations and have a different lifestyle from them GWWw2
It is argued that is children tend to eat unhealthier than past generations and have a different lifestyle from them. I definitely agree with this claim and think these differences redound children's healthy hurtfully in the long term. First of all, I believe that new generations consume packaged foods too much because they are quite effortless and delicious within food additives and unfortunately, this habit will cause various illnesses in the future. Besides that they generally spend their time at home with laptops or tablets instead of hanging out with peers at parks like the old generations. For example, by inactiveness, they may have scoliosis and other problems of the spine.
It
is argued
that is
children tend to eat unhealthier than past generations and have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyle from them. I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this claim and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these differences redound children's healthy
hurtfully
in the long term.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that new generations consume packaged foods too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are quite effortless and delicious within food additives and unfortunately, this habit will cause various illnesses in the future.
Besides
that they
generally
spend their time at home with laptops or tablets
instead
of hanging out with peers at parks like the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generations.
For example
, by
Possible spelling mistake found.
inactiveness
, they may have scoliosis and other problems of the spine.

IELTS essay children tend to eat unhealthier than past generations and have a different lifestyle from them

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
111 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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