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Children spend too much time watching TV nowadays. What are problems and solutions?

Children spend too much time watching TV nowadays. What are problems and solutions? n1m22
These days technologies are growing up and having a significant influence to children around the world especially babies and kids who are now spending too much time for watching televisions instead of doing nothing. And parents working hard to make money bring up their children, so that they cannot control the children behaviors. In my point of view, it is terrible to see children addicted to television screen or mobile screen. Firstly, children might feel more relaxed and reduce stressed after a long day study when watching TV. It provide a lot useful knowledge with many screen of sciences, wild animals or even music, sometimes it could be shown an adult content which is not good for children but parents do not have time to control and abandon them. They are just kids, they do not know anything about good or bad to avoid watching. Also television made kids be dull and uncreative when they watching it a lot because anytime or anywhere they just think and lust to watch TV. However, there are many activities instead of watching such as drawing, playing outdoor or even reading comics. Second of all, their relationship between them and others could not stay permanent for a while. Because they just stick into a screen and do not go out to play or share happiness to people around them. In addition, leaving behind the TV make children be more magnaimity and friendly also their brain would think better and more intelligent. To solve this situation, parents should set the time limit of technologies stuffs such as TVs, tablets, smart phones to prevent children using it too much that distract them from learning. Moreover, parents should spend time playing with children to make sure that they do not feel bored while being at home, also parents can assign some small works for kids to make them forget about Youtube and Cartoons. To conclude, TV should be stay out of children's life to prevent the influence of them. Parents must take action immediately to stop kids watching because televisions make their body grow up slower.
These days technologies are growing up and having a significant influence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
around the world
especially
babies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
instead
of doing nothing. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money bring up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cannot control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
behaviors. In my point of view, it is terrible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
screen or mobile screen.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might feel more relaxed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
after a long day study when watching TV. It
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
lot
useful knowledge with
Possible agreement error. The noun screen seems to be countable; consider using: "many screens".
many screen
of sciences, wild animals or even music,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it could
be shown
an adult content which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to control and abandon them. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, they do not know anything about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to avoid watching.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
be dull and uncreative when they watching it a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
anytime or anywhere they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and lust to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities
instead
of watching such as drawing, playing outdoor or even reading comics. Second of all, their relationship between them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
could not stay permanent for a while.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stick into a screen and do not go out to play or share happiness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them.
In addition
, leaving behind the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be more
Possible spelling mistake found.
magnaimity
and friendly
also
their brain would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
better and more intelligent.

To solve this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should set the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit of technologies stuffs such as TVs, tablets, smart phones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using it too much that distract them from learning.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that they do not feel bored while being at home,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can assign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
works for
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kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them forget about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
and Cartoons.

To conclude
, TV should be
Did you mean "staid", "stayed"?
stay
out of children's life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the influence of them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take action immediately to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their body grow up slower.
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IELTS essay Children spend too much time watching TV nowadays. What are problems and solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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