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Children should spend their a lot of free time inside with their family. Do you agree or disagree?

Children should spend their a lot of free time inside with their family. 6dkOK
It is clear that, children are fond of spend their leasure time outside with their friends and some kind of games. But is it useful if they spend their free time with their family? Some people emphasize that children should spend their free time with their family members. However, I don’t think that this totally true and in this essay I will try to prove my opinion with examples. First of all, staying home makes children more sedentary. For example, envision a situation: your child always stays home. He or she just does house works, his or her tutors tasks and so on. But your child’s friends play several games and spend their time with several activities. Other children are healthier than your child, because they possess more active lifestyle. If you want your children to be more up-and-coming and healthier, let them play outside with others. On the other hand, they cannot upgrade their sociable skills. Undoubtedly, if they don’t communicate with their compeers, they become self-contained. As a consequence, they always live with dreams about immersing to society. In addition, their problem solving skills are also not improved. Let them to spend their time outside, by this way, they can broaden their horizon gradually. Turning to the other side of the argument, there are several powerful benefits to stay inside either. For instance, children can contact with older family members more time. As a result, they can fortify interrelation with others and hark about their life experience. All in all, although staying home is more harmless and quiet, in my point of view, it is more boring and has more scathe. Personally, I am in favour of spending more time on the street.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
leasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside with their friends and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of games.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
is it useful if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
emphasize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family members.
However
, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this
totally
true and in this essay I will try to prove my opinion with examples.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, staying home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more sedentary.
For example
, envision a situation: your child always stays home. He or she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
works,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
tutors tasks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
your child’s friends play several games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with several activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are healthier than your child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they possess more active lifestyle. If you want your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more up-and-coming and healthier,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them play outside with others.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, they cannot upgrade their sociable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Undoubtedly
, if they don’t communicate with their compeers, they become self-contained. As a consequence, they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with dreams about immersing to society.
In addition
, their problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
also
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside, by this way, they can broaden their horizon
gradually
.

Turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the argument, there are several powerful benefits to stay inside either.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can contact with older family members more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, they can fortify interrelation with others and hark about their life experience.

All in all, although staying home is more harmless and quiet, in my point of view, it is more boring and has more
Possible spelling mistake found.
scathe
.
Personally
, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the street.
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IELTS essay Children should spend their a lot of free time inside with their family.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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