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Children should or should not be put in same sex school

Children should or should not be put in same sex school rY6Wl
Recently, some individuals think children should be separated by gender in school, some others believe in equity between all students. In my opinion, despite some advantages, it would be better for them to study in the same school. Those who want children to be divided are strict and narrow-minded parents. They do not want their child to lose concentrate on studying and focus on something else. Especially when children are in their puberty, unappropriated action may happen between boys and girls. And the fact that single-sex schools usually have higher scores than normal school is undeniable. However, that is just a minority number of schools, and not only because of the same sex bit, but they may also have a specific program or good teachers that gave students better education. School is considered as a small society that teaches students not only social skills but also gave them good friendships and relationships. So what a society that is, without men or women?
Recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
children should
be separated
by gender in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others believe in equity between all students. In my opinion, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, it would be better for them to study in the same school.

Those who want children to
be divided
are strict and narrow-minded parents. They do not want their child to lose concentrate on studying and focus on something else.
Especially
when children are in their puberty, unappropriated action may happen between boys and girls. And the fact that single-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
usually
have higher scores than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is undeniable.

However
,
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a minority number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the same sex bit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they may
also
have a specific program or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teachers that gave students better education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
is considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
society that teaches students not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gave them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friendships and relationships.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
what a society
that is
, without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
or women?

IELTS essay Children should or should not be put in same sex school

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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