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Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television however television cannot replace the book as a learning tool which is why children are less well educated today To what extent do you agree with this statement v.1

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television however television cannot replace the book as a learning tool which is why children are less well educated today 1
Nowadays, violence on technology increasing while some people consider that violence on television and in computer games has damaged the society, others mention that the positives of it as well as the beneficial importance for the public behaviour. In my opinion, I completely agree that attack played the vital role in destroying the society from the helps of the television as well as the computer games. On one hand, people believe that violence on television and in computer games modified the mind of people to the negativity and I agree with this. In other words, people learn the negativity act from the television and in computer games. As a result, this act applied to the society and create serious problems in the relation with others in society. For example, my cousin Faruk who is only nine years old attacked his neighbour with a knife and cut his one finger recently, Faruk accept that he learns this negativity from the game which one he played all the time on the computer. However, violence in technology can damage any happier society easily. On the other hand, a few people mention that violence on television and in computer games deliver the positive impacts on people's behaviour by build thought of the necessity of the society. While people learn the importances of society from the television, also from the computer games. For instance, ''Society in life'' named tv serial influenced my relative Akash who was always disrespectful to the people of his society. Although, learning positivity from the television and from the computer games are important. In conclusion, violence on television and in computer games has damaged the society by producing the negative acts while influencing the importance of society. While the people's opinions vary, but I personally agree that violence on television and in computer games has damaged the society by some bad acts.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on technology increasing while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has damaged the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, others mention that the positives of it
as well
as the beneficial importance for the public
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that attack played the vital role in destroying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as well
as the computer games.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
modified the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the negativity and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn the negativity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
As a result
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
applied to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and create serious problems in the relation with others in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, my cousin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Faruk
who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
nine years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
attacked his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
with a knife and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
his one finger recently,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Faruk
accept that he learns this negativity from the game which one he played all the time on the computer.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in technology can damage any happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
easily
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
deliver the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of the necessity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn the
Possible spelling mistake found.
importances
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
also
from the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, ''Society in life'' named
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
serial influenced my relative Akash who was always disrespectful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Although, learning positivity from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and from the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has damaged the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by producing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
while influencing the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. While the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinions vary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has damaged the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television however television cannot replace the book as a learning tool which is why children are less well educated today 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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