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children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However television cannot replace the book as learning tool, which is why are less well educated today. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.13

children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However television cannot replace the book as learning tool, which is why are less well educated today. v. 13
Television provides a great sort of entertainment. It revolutionised the way of entertainment not only that, it also changed the access of communication. There are a lot pros and cons in using television. Some people suggest television is one of the reasons to less well education today. I don't support to that statement. Children usually spend a lot of time watching TV, but it is not a factor in less well education. In fact, in some cases television gives more in detail information and experience to the kids. They will learn with more attention and interest like about animals and some geographic facts they will remember them more strongly than they learned from the classes. Thanks to its wide range of channels that cover different fields. There are a lot of kid's channels providing entertainment plus education, so they can learn with fun. Number of schools also making that fun involve in their teaching. This leads to a good education with better understanding. However, there are, some pitfalls that can easily overwhelm the positives of watching TV. Excessive watching of Television damage eyesight and it is one of the reason for obesity. Children who are addicted to the television, avoid going out and playing sports. This not only impacts their physical health, but also mental. There will be some adult information telecasts in TV that can seriously affect their behaviour. This must be controlled by parents. All TV channels should take some responsibility to spread some good across the globe, so that future generations will shine. To conclude, watching television to some extent is good and tuning to good channels kids can learn more efficiently and with fun. Using it in a proper way it is not a reason for bad education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
provides a great sort of entertainment. It
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
the way of entertainment not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the access of communication. There are
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of pros"?
a lot pros
and cons in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is one of the reasons to less well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I don't support to that statement.

Children
usually
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time watching TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not a factor in less well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In fact, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "cases'" or "case's"?
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
gives more in detail information and experience to the kids. They will learn with more attention and interest like about animals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
geographic facts they will remember them more
strongly
than they learned from the classes. Thanks to its wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
that cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
kid's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
providing entertainment plus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can learn with fun. Number of schools
also
making that fun involve in their teaching. This leads to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with better understanding.

However
, there are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls that can
easily
overwhelm the positives of watching TV. Excessive watching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
damage eyesight and it is one of the reason for obesity. Children who
are addicted
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, avoid going out and playing sports. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
impacts their physical health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mental. There will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adult information telecasts in TV that can
seriously
affect their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
by parents. All TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibility to spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
across the globe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that future generations will shine.

To conclude
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and tuning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
kids can learn more
efficiently
and with fun. Using it
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
it is not a reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However television cannot replace the book as learning tool, which is why are less well educated today. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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