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Children in many countries are engaged in paid jobs. Many regard it as a harmful trend while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. v.1

Children in many countries are engaged in paid jobs. Many regard it as a harmful trend while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. v. 1
In recent years, working children have become a trending issue in all parts of the world. People considering the issue separate into two sides whether it is totally wrong or it is needed for the children to improve their capabilities. This essay will try to elaborate these both views with appropriate considerations. On one hand, children are weaker in view aspects such as physically, mentally, psychologically, etc. that influence them suffering severe problems. They also lack the acknowledgements and experiences in workplace surrounded by job deadlines, congested responsibilities, and competitive working environment that cause further dire matters. Furthermore, they become an alibi and abuse by irresponsible people achieving numerous benefits and profits by using children to get pity in workload, and this happens in certain developing countries. On the other hand, children who work will more appreciate the life values and gain huge experiences. By receiving money from hard work, they will not spend it buying unimportant things. They will be mature faster and obtain more wisdom rather than other children who are naturally childish in that period. As a consequence, they will be more serious to pursue their future life throughout prior efforts. In my opinion, the benefits of childhood-age working outweigh the drawbacks. To overcome the negative sides, formal education should provide curricula with the practical and paid working programmes accompanied by parents and educators to gain maximum outcomes. To sum up, even though it is inevitable that there are risks for children to get involved in working environment, the positive sides deserve to be maximised by setting educational formula for children which also can minimise the drawbacks.
In recent years,
working
children
have become a trending issue in all parts of the world.
People
considering the issue separate into two sides whether it is
totally
wrong
or it
is needed
for the
children
to
improve
their capabilities. This essay will try to elaborate these both views with appropriate considerations.

On one hand,
children
are weaker in view aspects such as
physically
, mentally,
psychologically
, etc. that influence them suffering severe problems. They
also
lack the
acknowledgements
and experiences in workplace surrounded by job deadlines, congested responsibilities, and competitive
working
environment that cause
further
dire matters.
Furthermore
, they become an alibi and abuse by irresponsible
people
achieving numerous benefits and profits by using
children
to
get
pity in workload, and this happens in certain
developing countries
.

On the other hand
,
children
who work will more appreciate the life values and gain huge experiences. By receiving money from
hard
work, they will not spend it buying unimportant things. They will be mature faster and obtain more wisdom
rather
than other
children
who are
naturally
childish in that period. As a consequence, they will be more serious to pursue their future life throughout prior efforts.

In my opinion, the benefits of childhood-age
working
outweigh the drawbacks. To overcome the
negative
sides, formal education should provide curricula with the practical and paid
working
programmes
accompanied by parents and educators to gain maximum outcomes.

To sum up,
even though
it is inevitable that there are
risks
for
children
to
get
involved in
working
environment, the
positive
sides deserve to be
maximised
by setting educational formula for
children
which
also
can
minimise
the drawbacks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Children in many countries are engaged in paid jobs. Many regard it as a harmful trend while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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