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Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks.

Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. 2KyLb
In today's era, eating fast food is common in every part of the world. We can see Western-style fast food outlets everywhere to serving burgers, sandwiches and pizza. People enjoying this food; especially children. However, they are not aware about the drawbacks of fast food. This essay will try to explain why and what is the consequences. Why are children eating more fast food? A key reason behind is the rising western trend to eating fast food. They like to eat ready to eat food because it is quite convenient. It is true that increasing number of fast food outlets attract children to eat, because of they unaware about health so they can not resist their self to eat non well food. Also, children feel it as "cool" things and they think if they do it, society will give rich status. As it is often children eat fast food, we can ask to their parent, why they not control on their kids. In today's time, balanced in working life and family is little bit tough for the parent so they can not control their kids. I think sometimes they allowed them to eat such outside food. due to stressful working life they do not talk too much with their kids about healthy diet. Moreover, in some societies perent are not enough descipline, they also followed the same trend with society. The consequences are too dangerous. However, eating fast food frequently can cause harmful effects on their health. Due to unhealthy food they may be addicted to eat such costly junk food, So they spending money very easily. This will create poor money management in adulthood. That is to say, sometime parent are the reasonable for their unusual habits. To sum up, parent should need to talk with their children to eating healthy diet rather than eating fast food. It not just a question of diet, there is also threat to health of the children. Traditional diet may not be fashionable, but they are healthy.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era,
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eating
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fast
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food
is common in every part of the world. We can
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see
Western-style
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fast
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food
outlets everywhere to serving burgers, sandwiches and pizza.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
enjoying this
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food
;
especially
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children
.
However
, they are not aware about the drawbacks of
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This essay will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why and what is the consequences.

Why are
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children
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eating
more
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fast
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food
? A key reason behind is the rising western trend to
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eating
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fast
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food
. They like to
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eat
ready to
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eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is quite convenient. It is true that increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets attract
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children
to
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eat
,
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
unaware about health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can not resist their self to
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eat
non well
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food
.
Also
,
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children
feel it as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
cool
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if they do it, society will give rich status.

As it is
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often
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children
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eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
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food
, we can
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'ask'. Remove it: "ask".
ask to
their
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parent
, why they not control on their kids. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's time, balanced in working life and family is
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
tough for the
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parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can not control their kids. I
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think
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sometimes
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to
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eat
such outside
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food
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
due
to stressful working life they do not talk too much with their kids about healthy diet.
Moreover
, in
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some
societies
Possible spelling mistake found.
perent
are not
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enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
descipline
, they
also
followed the same trend with society.

The consequences are too
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dangerous
.
However
,
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eating
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fast
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food
frequently
can cause harmful effects on their health. Due to unhealthy
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food
they may
be addicted
to
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eat
such costly junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
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So
Did you mean "they're spending", "they are spending", or "they were spending"?
they spending
money
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very
easily
. This will create poor money management in adulthood.
That is
to say, sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
are the reasonable for their unusual habits.

To sum up,
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parent
should need to talk with their
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children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy diet
rather
than
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eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a question of diet, there is
also
threat to health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Traditional diet may not be fashionable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are healthy.
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IELTS essay Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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