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Many people spend a large amount of their free time playing computer games. What might be the reasons for this? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Many people spend a large amount of their free time playing computer games. What might be the reasons for this? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? DYLGm
There is no doubt that the last decade has seen more technology advances than the previous years, there has been important innovations and people spend a large amount of their leisure time playing on the computer. The most commonly cited reasons for this are, for example, that computer games evolved, and people can have conversations as it is not an isolating activity anymore, that e-games exist for adults and children, and that in many places around the world weather conditions encourage people to stay indoors and play. However, people spending an important amount of their free time playing videogames it is certainly not a positive hobby. Nowadays, the gaming industry has developed a considerable variety of games. An activity that was originally destined for kids and adolescents has now immerse in adult lives too, leading many grownups to destine remarkable hours of their days playing. Moreover, gaming used to be a solitary activity. However, technology permitted people to interact, meet and establish conversations whilst playing, leading many people to lean towards virtual bonds from the comfort of their homes. In addition, people who live in places where extreme temperatures hit the cities, games are considered a good entertainment option. And how does this impact in society? Certainly, playing on the computer for a large amount of time is not a good thing. Videogaming is a sedentary activity and hence, health problems may occur in consequence. For example, weight gain followed by high blood pressure and atherosclerosis secondary to spending huge amount of time seated playing computer games. Moreover, virtual bonds with others can not be compared to real encounters with friends, family, and partners. Therefore, playing virtually cannot nearly be considered a healthy social activity. In conclusion, this growth pattern comes together with lack of exercise, health concerns and lack of sociability. Therefore, people of all ages should reconsider how many hours they spend in front of a screen, and instead spend most of that time in outdoor or cultural activities to enrichen their minds.
There is no doubt that the last decade has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
more technology advances than the previous years, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
innovations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on the computer.

The most
commonly
cited reasons for this are,
for example
, that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
evolved, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have conversations as it is not an isolating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
anymore, that e-games exist for adults and children, and that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places around the world weather conditions encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay indoors and play.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
it is
certainly
not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
hobby.

Nowadays, the gaming industry has developed a considerable variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that was
originally
destined for kids and adolescents has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "immersed".
immerse
in adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
too, leading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
grownups to destine remarkable hours of their days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
.
Moreover
, gaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a solitary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
However
, technology permitted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and establish conversations whilst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
, leading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lean towards virtual bonds from the comfort of their homes.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in places where extreme temperatures hit the cities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are considered
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
entertainment option.

And how does this impact in society?
Certainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on the computer for a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Videogaming
is a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
hence
, health problems may occur in consequence.
For example
, weight gain followed by high blood pressure and atherosclerosis secondary to spending huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
seated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Moreover
, virtual bonds with others can not
be compared
to real encounters with friends, family, and partners.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
virtually
cannot
nearly
be considered
a healthy social activity.

In conclusion
, this growth pattern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
together with lack of exercise, health concerns and lack of sociability.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages should reconsider how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours they spend in front of a screen, and
instead
spend most of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in outdoor or cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
enrichen
their minds.
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IELTS essay Many people spend a large amount of their free time playing computer games. What might be the reasons for this? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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