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Children facing Academic, Social & Commercial Pressure. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

Children facing Academic, Social & Commercial Pressure. What are the causes? What are the solutions? ORE03
In the modern era, kids are in pressure like never before. They are having stress from not only their study but also from communal and economic environment. This essay will discuss about the reasons and possible solutions of the problem mentioned. Pressurizing youngsters are mainly caused by the modern of education system and quick unplanned urbanization. Generally speaking, the current education policy has been incorporated without sufficient experiment and research. Thus, to cope up with the system, pupils are more likely inclined to be bookaholic. For instance, the number of books a young student has to cover nowadays is more than that was few years ago. A further point in favor of pressure on these people is because of quick and unplanned urbanization where the need of a youngster is left behind. Children are now having difficulties to find a place like parks, playgrounds etc. to play which is making them utterly unsocial. This also forcing them to get involved with virtual world like playing video games, watching cartoons in television which are quite expensive. In a word, the unhealthy system of education and rapid expansion of cities are snatching away the real childhood and putting them into pressure from different sides. The solutions can be found by reforming the education policies and adding recreational places adjacent to schools and other public areas. There is no doubt that, the ongoing syllabus needs to be reformed and more study & play balanced system should be introduced in the schools. A recent study showed that, playing at school helps children reduce their anxiety by 80 percent. Secondly, in addition, parks and other open places should be developed in such a way that, young people can do their physical activities and have fun. This way they would be more sociable and it will keep away the expensive gadgets from them thus will be cost effective to their parents. In a nutshell, stress can be decreased by involving them with both study and playing. In conclusion this can be said that, pressure among children is an ever-worrying factor with no ultimate solution. However, if the steps can be implemented, modern pupils will be relieved from stress.
In the modern era, kids are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
like never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. They are having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from communal and economic environment. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
reasons and possible solutions of the problem mentioned.

Pressurizing youngsters are
mainly
caused by the modern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and quick unplanned urbanization.
Generally
speaking, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
policy has
been incorporated
without sufficient experiment and research.
Thus
, to cope up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, pupils are more likely inclined to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
bookaholic
.
For instance
, the number of books a young student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
cover nowadays is more than that was few years ago. A
further
point in favor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of quick and unplanned urbanization where the need of a youngster is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind. Children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
having difficulties to find a place like parks, playgrounds etc. to play which is making them
utterly
unsocial. This
also
forcing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved with virtual world like playing video games, watching cartoons in television which are quite expensive. In a word, the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and rapid expansion of cities are snatching away the real childhood and putting them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sides.

The solutions can
be found
by reforming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
policies and adding recreational places adjacent to schools and other public areas. There is no doubt that, the ongoing syllabus needs to
be reformed
and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
& play balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
should
be introduced
in the schools. A recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that, playing at school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their anxiety by 80 percent.
Secondly
,
in addition
, parks and other open places should
be developed
in such a way that, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can do their physical activities and have fun. This way they would be more sociable and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away the expensive gadgets from them
thus
will
be cost
effective to their parents. In a nutshell,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
can
be decreased
by involving them with both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and playing.

In conclusion
this can
be said
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
among children is an ever-worrying factor with no ultimate solution.
However
, if the steps can
be implemented
, modern pupils will
be relieved
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
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IELTS essay Children facing Academic, Social & Commercial Pressure. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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