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Children can learn effectively by watching tv therefore they should be encouraged at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree. . v.2

Children can learn effectively by watching tv therefore they should be encouraged at home and at school. . v. 2
Without a shadow of a doubt television is most popular among all age groups not from now but from many decades. A few people suggests that we should give support to kids to watch television daily not only at home but also in school, because they learn so many things by themselves. Somewhere, I am not fully agree with this. I consider that this views has more bad effects than good. First of all, now a days there are lots of channel like discovery science and folk based channels, these kind of programme enhance your knowledge and few news channels aware us about things happened in world. But all these benefits are limited. We used television only for our entertainment. Secondly, to allow television in school and at home not a precise idea. A study shows that your brain can aaffect badly if you spend longer time in front of screen. Nevertheless, brightness and rays can damage your eyesight. In school if kids will watch television then they less tend to writing and reading activities. They may never interested in books. Moreover, screening time effects on health because kids will not like to go outside for play, which can cause obesity and lack of strength. The major draw back is kids can not enhance social communications skill and being a introvert person in future. To conclude, I strongly believe that this idea has more disadvantages than advantages. We should not collaborate study and television together. It is better that we used television at home only for entertainment.
Without a shadow of a doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is most popular among all age groups not from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades. A few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
suggests
that we should give support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
daily not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things by themselves. Somewhere, I am not
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. I consider that this views has more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
there are
Possible agreement error. The noun channel seems to be countable; consider using: "lots of channels".
lots of channel
like discovery science and folk based channels,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
enhance your knowledge and few news channels aware us about things happened in world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
all these benefits
are limited
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for our entertainment.

Secondly
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in school and at home not a precise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that your brain can
Possible spelling mistake found.
aaffect
badly
if you spend longer time in front of screen.
Nevertheless
, brightness and rays can damage your eyesight. In school if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
then they less tend to writing and reading activities. They may never interested in books.
Moreover
, screening time effects on health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will not like to go outside for play, which can cause obesity and lack of strength. The major draw back is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can not enhance social communications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and being
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
introvert person
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
has more disadvantages than advantages. We should not collaborate study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
together. It is better that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for entertainment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Children can learn effectively by watching tv therefore they should be encouraged at home and at school. . v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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