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Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school v.4

Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school v. 4
It is often said that children are able to learn more effectively while they are watching televisions, and therefore, students should be urged to watch TVs a lot. Although I disagree with the idea that parents should induce children to watch them frequently, overall, I believe that televisions can help young people to expand their knowledge. The main reason why I believe that we must not encourage children to constantly watch TVs is that they enable people to become less active. This can be seen by the number of studies which has already proved that televisions make people not only inactive but also obese. Although televisions are able to make young people less active, I believe that many schools have physical education lessons. I strongly agree that televisions are useful for young people to learn, for two main reasons. Firstly, students can find a whole host of helpful TV channels such as National Geographic and Animal Planet, which are extremely fascinating to watch. This opportunity, in my opinion, may significantly increase students' knowledge in one subject, namely Biology. Another point to consider is that watching TVs can reduce the stress that young people are vulnerable to get at school. If, for example, a child has received a bad mark in a particular subject, and then, classmates will probably mock at him or her. As a result, I would argue that in some cases, televisions might be useful. In conclusion, while it is true that televisions make people less active, personally, I am convinced that children learn more effectively when they are watching TVs, for some motives that I have discussed above.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to learn more
effectively
while they are watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
, and
therefore
, students should
be urged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TVs a lot. Although I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that parents should induce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
them
frequently
,
overall
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to expand their knowledge.

The main reason why I believe that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
constantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TVs is that they enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become less active. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the number of studies which has already proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inactive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
obese. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less active, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools have physical education lessons.

I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
are useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn, for two main reasons.
Firstly
, students can find a whole host of helpful TV channels such as National Geographic and Animal Planet, which are
extremely
fascinating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
. This opportunity, in my opinion, may
significantly
increase students' knowledge in one subject,
namely
Biology. Another point to consider is that watching TVs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are vulnerable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at school. If,
for example
, a child has received a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mark in a particular subject, and then, classmates will
probably
mock at him or her.
As a result
, I would argue that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
might be useful.

In conclusion
, while it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less active,
personally
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn more
effectively
when they are watching TVs, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
motives that I have discussed above.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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