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children benefit more from playing outdoors with other children than playing computer games on their own

children benefit more from playing outdoors with other children than playing computer games on their own QLlX9
In recent years, video games have become more popular among all age groups the participation of children in outdoor activities has always been a concern. From my perspective, although playing computer games might help youngsters to develop some skills, it would be much more beneficial for them to play outside. To begin with, there is no doubt that video games can facilitate the upbringing of children. Computer games will require children to concentrate for a long time and use problem-solving skills to complete a mission. This may improve the intelligence quotient of youngsters and teach them how to focus on one task for hours to the end, which can be valuable afterward when they start working. For instance, a recent survey found that 65% of children playing board games are often more independent and intelligent compared to their counterparts who are not involved in these games. However, I believe that the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison to the huge upside that could be gained from children playing outside. First, outdoor activities play a fundamental role in the proper physical and mental development of children. It demands a significant degree of training, which will help to burn excessive calories and reduce the risk of obesity. In addition, taking part in outdoor activities will widen their social circle and learn various interpersonal skills such as teamwork, negotiation and effective communication. It can be seen that these practical benefits while playing outside could not be achieved with video games. In conclusion, while there are some potential benefits of playing computer games, I believe that children should engage in outdoor activities to fulfill their comprehensive development.
In recent years, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become more popular among all age groups the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has always been a concern. From my perspective, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
youngsters to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, it would be much more beneficial for them to play outside.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no doubt that video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can facilitate the upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to concentrate for a long time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to complete a mission. This may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the intelligence quotient of youngsters and teach them how to focus on one task for hours to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, which can be valuable afterward when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working.
For instance
, a recent survey found that 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
board
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more independent and intelligent compared to their counterparts who are not involved in these games.

However
, I believe that the aforementioned advantages pale
in comparison
to the huge upside that could
be gained
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outside.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play a fundamental role in the proper physical and mental development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It demands a significant degree of training, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to burn excessive calories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity.
In addition
, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will widen their social circle and learn various interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork, negotiation and effective communication. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that these practical benefits while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outside could not
be achieved
with video games.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to fulfill their comprehensive development.
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IELTS essay children benefit more from playing outdoors with other children than playing computer games on their own

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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