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Children as young as right own a mobile phone nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. v.1

Children as young as right own a mobile phone nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1
It is often argued that young children under the age of ten are in possession of a smart phone these days. In my opinion, I strongly believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. In the next phrases, I will discuss the disadvantages of this issue. To begin, children will provide less attention to their education and student life. The reason for this is that they have an opportunity to enjoy themselves, while they are attending the educational lessons. Which makes it a lot harder to concentrate during the lessons. This can also be the cause of the low rates on the exams and the learning difficulties because of missing most of the learning sources. For instance, these days social media have become really popular throughout the younger age. So, that's why is it a negative impact on the counterparts. On the second hand, the youngsters will become less socially in the community. The reason for this is that there will be a decrease in the social relationship because of the fact that they spend most of the time on their mobile phones. For example, research has shown that there is a huge downward trend in the play of a child over the years. So, children these days are more into the technology in comparison to a few years ago. To conclude, I strongly believe that there are more disadvantages because it can make the concentration in the education more difficult and it will make a downward trend in the social life.
It is
often
argued that young children under the age of ten are in possession of a smart phone these days. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. In the
next
phrases, I will discuss the disadvantages of this issue.

To
begin
, children will provide less attention to their education and student life.
The reason for this is
that they have an opportunity to enjoy themselves, while they are attending the educational lessons.
Which
makes
it a lot harder to concentrate during the lessons. This can
also
be the cause of the low rates on the exams and the learning difficulties
because
of missing most of the learning sources.
For instance
, these days social media have become
really
popular throughout the younger age.
So
, that's why is it a
negative
impact on the counterparts.

On the second hand, the youngsters will become less
socially
in the community.
The reason for this is
that there will be a decrease in the social relationship
because of the fact that
they spend most of the time on their mobile phones.
For example
, research has shown that there is a huge downward trend in the play of a child over the years.
So
, children these days are more into the technology
in comparison
to a few years ago.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that there are more disadvantages
because
it can
make
the concentration in the education more difficult and it will
make
a downward trend in the social life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Children as young as right own a mobile phone nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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