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Children are now less activities in their free time than in the past . Threfore, sport lessons must be coumpulsory

Children are now less activities in their free time than in the past. Threfore, sport lessons must be coumpulsory PrPy2
Nowaday, with development by mobile and electricity function which made a number of children more and more unattractive and passive to explore a news thing. Obviously, to remedy the above situation in schools that has added physical education as the main subject and mandatory subject to their training programs. From my perspective, I totally agree with this view. Firstly, the foundation of physical fitness and health is considered a prerequisite for every child's development and determining factor for success. The alarming situation of children becoming obese in light of the the fact that inadequate exercise and nearsightedness due to electronic devices is accelerating. Moreover, the purpose of exercising is to get better at sweating and keep fit. Not only obese children, but also Thunderbird have better fitness. From my perspective, I can feel that change through myself from a little girl with a rather chubby figure to a person whose endurance and regular practice of sports today is all thanks to sports activities in schools. Secondly, There is a sad reality when most parents desire their children to be excellent students with core subjects such as English, Math, Literature, etc. . But they ignore life skills such as teamwork skills, communication skills. . All play an important role. And fortunately, the school sports activities will fully complement those elements. Due to the fact that, when playing sports such as football, volleyball or basketball are complementary subjects to practice solidarity and learn discipline as well as patience, increase flexibility and strength, and the ability to integrate with the group. For these reasons, it is clear that subjects such as physical education should be obligated in schools because children need to be developed in a holistic environment with the necessary skills and avoid negative influences such as obesity or myopia.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowaday
, with development by mobile and electricity function which made a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more and more unattractive and passive to explore a news thing.
Obviously
, to remedy the above situation in schools that has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
physical education as the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to their training programs. From my perspective, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

Firstly
, the foundation of physical fitness and health
is considered
a prerequisite for every child's development and determining factor for success. The alarming situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
becoming obese in light of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
fact that inadequate exercise and nearsightedness due to electronic devices is accelerating.
Moreover
, the purpose of exercising is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better at sweating and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Thunderbird have better fitness. From my perspective, I can feel that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
through myself from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girl with a
rather
chubby figure to a person whose endurance and regular practice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is all thanks to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
activities in schools.

Secondly
, There is a sad reality when most parents desire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be excellent students with core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as English, Math, Literature, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
All play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. And
fortunately
, the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities will
fully
complement those elements. Due to the fact that, when playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football, volleyball or basketball are complementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to practice solidarity and learn discipline
as well
as patience, increase flexibility and strength, and the ability to integrate with the group.

For these reasons, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as physical education should
be obligated
in schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
be developed
in a holistic environment with the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences such as obesity or myopia.
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IELTS essay Children are now less activities in their free time than in the past. Threfore, sport lessons must be coumpulsory

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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