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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? PelJ
These days, attitude toward preserving animals are changed than ever. it is frequently considered that maintaining animals artificially in cages is abnormal way for natural environment, while others argue that it is of vital paramountcy in terms of entertaining and ecologically. Although it seems unethical but artificial zones are thoroughly beneficial in order to safely conserve wildlife. Currently, myriad of animal species are being kept in restricted areas. Therefore it might adversely impact on their natural habitat through losing some crucially paramount trait for instance, hunting, surviving and other aptitude. Moreover, humans have no right retaining animals in cage, particularly on purpose for making profit from them because every being has to be appreciated owing to the life consists of chains. Some type of unique species already have endangered in consequence of weakness. In conformity with majority scientist, artificial cages play a imperative role in saving expeditiously extinct species. Furthermore, equally important aspect of it that, scholars learn about their behavior which is efficacious for further treating them in appropriate way. In addition, it contributes economic sector through creating job opportunities for not only accomplished person but also moderate one. Therefore arguments for preserving brutes is significantly adequate In conclusion, plenty of factors support artificial conservation such as, safe endangered species, job opportunities, learning their behavior, even though it might alter their some behavior.
These days, attitude toward preserving
animals
are
changed
than ever.
it
is
frequently
considered that maintaining
animals
artificially
in cages is
abnormal
way for natural environment, while others argue that it is of vital paramountcy in terms of entertaining and
ecologically
. Although it seems unethical
but
artificial zones are
thoroughly
beneficial in order to
safely
conserve wildlife.

Currently
, myriad of
animal
species are being
kept
in restricted areas.
Therefore
it might
adversely
impact on their natural habitat through losing
some
crucially
paramount trait
for instance
, hunting, surviving and other aptitude.
Moreover
, humans have no right retaining
animals
in cage,
particularly
on purpose for making profit from them
because
every being
has to
be appreciated
owing to the life consists of chains.

Some
type of unique species already have endangered in consequence of weakness. In conformity with majority scientist, artificial cages play
a
imperative role in saving
expeditiously
extinct species.
Furthermore
,
equally
important
aspect of it that, scholars learn about their behavior which is efficacious for
further
treating them in appropriate way.
In addition
, it contributes economic sector through creating job opportunities for not
only
accomplished person
but
also
moderate one.
Therefore
arguments for preserving brutes is
significantly
adequate

In conclusion
,
plenty
of factors support artificial conservation such as, safe endangered species, job opportunities, learning their behavior,
even though
it might alter their
some
behavior.
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IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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