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Children are facing more pressure nowdays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressure and what measure should be taken to reduce this?

Children are facing more pressure nowdays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressure and what measure should be taken to reduce this? nPLE
Indeed, children are currently pressurised in every possible spectrum of their lives such as academic, social and commercial. The main cause of this is a lack of understanding among parents and schools. To help children overcome such pressures, parents should spend adequate time with their children and schools should make learning less stressful. There are many reasons for the various pressures faced by children. Firstly, schools are overloading children with an enormous amount of syllabus and frequent examinations. Due to this students tend to feel stressed about their academics and develop anxiety. Moreover, parents compare their children with others and their behaviour drastically affects children. Secondly, children also have to cope with peer pressure. This is because some students who indulge in wrongdoings such as smoking or consuming alcohol, often influence other children and this peer pressure eventually make them acquire bad habits. Finally, many children also face a lot of commercial pressures amongst their peers. The reason for this is that many schools do not have a protocol of following a standard uniform and this makes students compare their clothing with those of others and they tend to feel inferior about their dressing. The possible solutions to solve the above-mentioned issues are that the government should set a policy for schools to reduce the syllabus and minimise the number of examinations. This will enable students to be creative and become confident. Furthermore, parents should not compare their children with others as this behaviour demoralises them. Parents should spend time with them and give moral lessons and this will make them avoid indulgence in wrongdoings. To reduce the commercial pressures on children, schools should impose a dress code system. In other words, if there is a standard uniform student will not compare their clothing with that of others and feel inferior. Also, they can focus more efficiently on their studies rather than these pressures. In conclusion, if the above solutions are implemented with the help of parents and schools, then most of the students will gradually be out of pressures and stress.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
currently
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
in every possible spectrum of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
such as academic, social and commercial. The main cause of this is a lack of understanding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
overcome such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend adequate time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
learning less stressful.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are overloading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with an enormous amount of syllabus and frequent examinations. Due to
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
about their academics and develop anxiety.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with others and their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
drastically
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who indulge in wrongdoings such as smoking or consuming alcohol,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and this peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
their peers.
The reason for this is
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not have a protocol of following a standard uniform and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
their clothing with those of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
they tend to feel inferior about their dressing.

The possible solutions to solve the above-mentioned issues are that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should set a policy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the syllabus and
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the number of examinations. This will enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be creative and become confident.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with others as this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
Possible spelling mistake. 'demoralises' is British English.
demoralises
them.

Parents should spend time with them and give moral lessons and this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them avoid indulgence in wrongdoings. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should impose a dress code system. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if there is a standard uniform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compare
their clothing with that of others and feel inferior.
Also
, they can focus more
efficiently
on their studies
rather
than these pressures.

In conclusion
, if the above solutions
are implemented
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, then most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
gradually
be out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
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IELTS essay Children are facing more pressure nowdays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressure and what measure should be taken to reduce this?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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