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Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. GG8e
Studying and physical activities are the two sides of a coin. Children should be encouraged more on physical activities than studies by parents. But I disagree with this idea and this essay will give a clear view why children should be encouraged more time studying. Studying must work on a daily basis. This is because children who study their daily portion given in class than keeping it for later tends to score higher grades. For example a student study everyday can answer faster a question asked by a teacher than a student who only studies during weekend. Hence, it is neccessary to study daily than to sum up the curriculum towards the end of the week. Children who spent more time studying can have a better IQ. When a student spent time studying and reading, it can help them in increasing their vocabulary and has better memory. For instance, a child who can memorize a paragraph in less time is likely to be the one who studies more than that of a peer who is active in sports. Therefore, revision of subjects helps in the ability to increase IQ levels. In conclusion, we know some factors of encouraging studying we have discussed how studying can benefit life of children. In my opinion the children should be given time for physical activities daily but it should not extend for no more than 2 hours a day and to study at least 4-5 hours per day, So that this ideology will benefit in creating mentally as well as physically fit blossoms for the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studying
and physical activities are the two sides of a coin.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
be encouraged
more on physical activities than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
by parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and this essay will give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
view why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
studying.

Studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
basis. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
portion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
than keeping it for later tends to score higher grades.
For example
a student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
can answer faster a question asked by a teacher than a student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
during weekend.
Hence
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccessary
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Use "(daily)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
daily
than to sum up the curriculum towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the week.

Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
can have a better IQ. When a student spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and reading, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in increasing their vocabulary and has better memory.
For instance
, a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can memorize a paragraph in less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is likely to be the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
more than that of a peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is active in sports.
Therefore
, revision of subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the ability to increase IQ levels.

In conclusion
, we know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors of encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
we have discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
can benefit life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for physical activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not extend for no more than 2 hours a day and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at least 4-5 hours per day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that this ideology will benefit in creating mentally
as well
as
physically
fit blossoms for the future.
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IELTS essay Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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