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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? ydBg
Some people believed that music might be a good kit for bringing people of different cultures and ages together. I guess that music is one of the powerful things which can break the borders between generations or participants from (the) different countries and in this essay I want to describe some examples. Firstly, the music can help fans over the world be closer to each other and more easily understand some traditions and habits of other countries. International festivals can unite people from different continents, all participants can share culture and knowledge. As a result, people might be politer and kinder that help them know more about traditions and be more open-minded for new ideas. (The)A good example might be the international festival “Sziget” where people and bands from more than 90(th) countries visit it every year; in 2018 this festival (meet) met more than 500 000 viewers. Secondly, a popular group with a huge fan base can help to erase the gap between generations. Many people over the world like to listen and watch (meet) concerts by famous bands and they have different ages. If fans in the concert can enjoy the same music, they will (be) share good emotions without border or some prejudice. For example, in most of the concerts the famous group AC/DC usually meet 40% of people in the age between 18-33 years old and they enjoy a concert with older fans. In conclusion, I want to say that music and festivals can help people from over the world be closer and share good emotions. In the concert, the gap between generations can vanish because all participants who are involved in this event might feel the same emotions without any prejudice about the age that is why music can cure many social problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believed that
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music
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might
be a
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good
kit for bringing
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people
of
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different
cultures and
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ages
together. I guess that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the powerful things which can break the borders between generations or participants from (the)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries and in this essay I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
fans over the world be closer to each other and more
easily
understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditions and habits of other countries. International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
can unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
continents, all participants can share culture and knowledge.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be politer and kinder that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them know more about traditions and be more open-minded for new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. (The)A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example
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might
be the international
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festival
“
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sziget
” where
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people
and bands from more than 90(
Possible spelling mistake found.
th
) countries visit it every year; in 2018 this
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festival
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
) met more than 500 000 viewers.

Secondly
, a popular group with a huge fan base can
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help
to erase the gap between generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
over the world like to listen and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
)
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concerts
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bands and
they have
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different
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ages
. If fans in the
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concert
can enjoy the same
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music
, they will (be) share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
emotions without border or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prejudice.
For example
, in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
group AC/DC
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
between 18-33 years
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
they enjoy a
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concert
with older fans.

In conclusion
, I want to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from over the world be closer and share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
emotions. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
, the gap between generations can vanish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all participants who
are involved
in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
feel the same emotions without any prejudice about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
that is
why
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music
can cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social problems.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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