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Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic,social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? jp81
It is commonly said that children are pressurized and facing harder and harder academic, social and commercial challenges. In this essay i will discuss the causes of these pressures and also suggest some solutions to alleviate the troublesome situation. There are many academic pressures on children. First of all, today's child is not competing with the next door child, not to compete with the town's child. But competing with the child of global village. Parents want their child are excel in every field. They send their children to the top rated schools, the school bags are heavier than the child's himself. Even after private school hours there are private tutions. Children do not get time to bloom and bring out their hidden talents. There are some social and commercial pressures also faced by children.
It is
commonly
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are pressurized
and facing harder and harder academic, social and commercial challenges. In this essay
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss the causes of these pressures and
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to alleviate the troublesome situation. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic pressures on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is not competing with the
next
door
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, not to compete with the town's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
competing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of global village. Parents want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
are
Consider using a past participle here: "excelled".
excel
in every field. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the top rated schools, the school bags are heavier than the child's himself.
“Even after” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even after
private school hours there are private
Possible spelling mistake found.
tutions
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to bloom and bring out their hidden talents. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social and commercial pressures
also
faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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