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children and teenagers spending more and more of their time indoors? causes and solutions

children and teenagers spending more and more of their time indoors? causes and solutions gxo1g
Nowadays, the high levels of child and teenagers that are spending most of the time indoor. I think this is problem of some teenager why they do not want to go outside or why they like to spend time indoor, but there are some solution. A reason why they do not go to outside but they love to stay indoor. Because they reluctant to socialize due to be bullied by people in the school or the people around them. While they think that we are in the comfort zone, so anyone can not attack them, and they can do anything that they can do inside. Outdoor is dangerous zone for them so that they do not dare to go. Such as, my cousin who has a son that he like to stay alone and introverted stay in the room Possible solutions to encourage the child to go outside that are you have to teach or explain them whether going out has advantages, show them more beautiful places in the world. In addition, if the youth always stay at home for longtime may have negative effect for them. For example, When my cousin's son can go outside he has a better mild, has a smile and look lively than when he stayed inside home and his mom practice him to talk with other. In conclusion, the problem of the teenagers and child that they spend a lot of time their indoor. So this problem can effect to them and they are afraid to leave their comfort zone. However, these problems can be dealt with talking to them, slowly taking out out of the house and doing activities outside.
Nowadays, the high levels of child and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
that are spending most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
indoor
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
why they do not want to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
or why they like to spend time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
indoor
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution.

A reason why they do not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
indoor
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they reluctant to socialize due to
be bullied
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the school or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them. While they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we are in the comfort zone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
anyone can not attack them, and they can do anything that they can do inside. Outdoor is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
zone for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not dare to go. Such as, my cousin who has a son that he like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
alone and introverted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
room


Possible solutions to encourage the child to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
that are you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
them whether going out has advantages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
places in the world.
In addition
, if the youth always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at home for longtime may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect for them.
For example
, When my cousin's son can go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
he has a better mild, has a smile and look lively than when he stayed inside home and his mom practice him to talk with other.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and child that they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
indoor
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can effect to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they are afraid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their comfort zone.
However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be dealt
with talking to them,
slowly
taking
Possible typo: you repeated a word
out out
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and doing activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
.
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IELTS essay children and teenagers spending more and more of their time indoors? causes and solutions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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