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Childhood obesity is a serious problem in many countries What are the causes of it and how can the problem be managed v.2

Childhood obesity is a serious problem in many countries What are the causes of it and how can the problem be managed v. 2
Corpulence has become a nerve-racking issue in several nations throughout the world, especially the developed ones. There are numerous causes given the rise of this adverse phenomenon and solutions should be taken to combat this problem To begin with, there is a variety of explanations for the childhood obesity nowadays. First and foremost, there is excessive consumption of preprocessed foods and beverages. It is irrefutable that these days junk food franchises can be found in every corner of the world and took place of the traditional meals to become youngster' s favourite dishes. Unfortunately, these meals, which reportedly have inadequate sanitation, are responsible for various health diseases include obesity. The hamburger that is salty, greasy and highly contains artificial sweeteners can be a good case in point. Another reason led to the fatness among children is from the advancement of the technologies, which resulted in the major change of lifestyle. There seem to be shreds of evidence that children these days are having physical inactivity for quite some time. This is shown by the increase in the number of children keen on playing video games or using the social network rather than having outdoor recreational activities when compared to the last few decades Fortunately, there are some actions to be taken for tackling this hassle. First of all, competitions or activities should be organized more frequently with the aim of energy expenditure and raising children well-being. Furthermore, these events can also be a good means of keeping them away from the screen and tightening the family-bonding. Secondly, when it comes to nutrition, there should be an appropriate diet that has all the essential nutrients for the healthy and comprehensive development of the child. By the ways of illustration, it should be more television programmes that emphasis on building a healthful and proper regimen for children. In conclusion, childhood fatness is caused by a shortage of physical activities and overeat of prepared foods. It was also suggested that more energy consumption events should be held and a healthy regimen should be built for the comprehensive growth of the child
Corpulence has become a nerve-racking issue in several nations throughout the world,
especially
the developed ones. There are numerous causes
given
the rise of this adverse phenomenon and solutions should
be taken
to combat this
problem


To
begin
with, there is a variety of explanations for the childhood obesity nowadays.
First
and foremost, there is excessive consumption of preprocessed foods and beverages. It is irrefutable that these days junk food franchises can
be found
in every corner of the world and took place of the traditional meals to become
youngster&
#039; s
favourite
dishes. Unfortunately, these meals, which reportedly have inadequate sanitation, are responsible for various health diseases include obesity. The hamburger
that is
salty, greasy and
highly
contains artificial sweeteners can be a
good
case in point. Another reason led to the fatness among
children
is from the advancement of the technologies, which resulted in the major
change
of lifestyle. There seem to be shreds of evidence that
children
these days are having physical inactivity for quite
some
time. This
is shown
by the increase in the number of
children
keen on playing video games or using the social network
rather
than having outdoor recreational activities when compared to the last few
decades


Fortunately
, there are
some
actions to
be taken
for tackling this hassle.
First of all
, competitions or activities should
be organized
more
frequently
with the aim of energy expenditure and raising
children
well-being.
Furthermore
, these
events
can
also
be a
good
means of keeping them away from the screen and tightening the family-bonding.
Secondly
, when it
comes
to nutrition, there should be an appropriate diet that has all the essential nutrients for the healthy and comprehensive development of the child. By the ways of illustration, it should be more television
programmes
that emphasis on building a healthful and proper regimen for children.

In conclusion
, childhood fatness
is caused
by a shortage of physical activities and overeat of prepared foods. It was
also
suggested that more energy consumption
events
should
be held
and a healthy regimen should
be built
for the comprehensive growth of the
child
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Childhood obesity is a serious problem in many countries What are the causes of it and how can the problem be managed v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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