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Can you tell me your dream in your future?

Can you tell me your dream in your future? 5LqNB
One thing you should know about me is that I was born and raised in Đong Thap province, which is destitute and suffers from material and spiritual hardships, and where children are victims of abuse, gender discrimination or even sexual harassment. It is the fact that i used to be a victim of body shaming. Back in the days, when i was a little kid like 14, 15 years old. I had to suffer from a lot of bodily discomfort. I was too heavy at the time, weighing 70 kg, and I received comments about my appearance, such as "you can never succeed if you are huge like this". Omg! it is a knife in my heart you know. On that day, I had a dream that I would become an inspiration to everyone and then i would like to use my voice, my cofidence, my action to inspire the world especially to help young people in my country to overcome the difficulty which is take them have a bad story. Allow that dream to come true. I am conscious that self-development is quite essential at the present, which is why I generally spend the majority of my time reading, English, developing my physique, loving more, understanding more about everything around me, and seeing things more positively. In addition, many people ask me, "What is your dream? " I answered firmly that the excellent values that I provide to others are, in my opinion, a wonderful life aspiration of mine.
One thing you should know about me is that I
was born
and raised in
Đong
Thap
province, which is destitute and suffers from material and spiritual hardships, and where children are victims of abuse, gender discrimination or even sexual harassment. It is the fact that
i
used
to be a victim of body shaming. Back in the days, when
i
was a
little
kid like 14, 15 years
old
. I had to suffer from
a lot of
bodily
discomfort. I was too heavy at the time, weighing 70 kg, and I received comments about my appearance, such as
"
you can never succeed if you are huge like this
"
.
Omg
!
it
is a knife in my heart you know. On that day, I had a dream that I would become an inspiration to everyone and then
i
would like to
use
my voice, my
cofidence
, my action to inspire the world
especially
to
help
young
people
in my country to overcome the difficulty which is take them have a
bad
story.

Allow
that dream to
come
true. I am conscious that self-development is quite essential at the present, which is why I
generally
spend the majority of my time reading, English, developing my physique, loving more, understanding more about everything around me, and seeing things more
positively
.
In addition
,
many
people
ask me,
"
What is your dream?
"
I answered
firmly
that the excellent values that I provide to others are, in my opinion, a wonderful life aspiration of mine.
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IELTS essay Can you tell me your dream in your future?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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