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In this day and age, some individuals consider that sport plays a crucial role in school life for kids, whereas others think it had better be their option

In this day and age, some individuals consider that sport plays a crucial role in school life for kids, whereas others think it had better be their option Kyk5M
In this day and age, some individuals consider that sport plays a crucial role in school life for kids, whereas others think it had better be their option. There are a large number of valid arguments on both views, which I am going to discuss below. To begin with, the main argument in favour is that sport can help children upgrade their physical strength and mental health as well. Today, kids[z] learn so much. They are struggled with their tricky assignments most of the day, from school to home. As a result, sport has been emerged as one of the best solutions to deal with depression[aa]. When children play sports, all parts of their body are flexibly moved, consequently they will be healthier and more dynamic. Therefore, their mind may relieve stress and academic performance is significantly improved. In addition, if kids play sports regularly, their social skills will be able to be made progress. Once children play competitive sports with other teams and other opponents, they have to learn an abundance of vital skills to collaborate with teammates to achieve the victory such as: communication, teamwork and problem-solving skill. These may help them not only in learning but also on their career path later. For instance, children will easily get on with classmates and complete perfectly difficult projects and presentations, if they have the teamwork and communication skill. Furthermore, they will swiftly solve some quarrels with their colleagues in the future, owing to communication and problem-solving skill. On other hand, the strong point in against is that sport may lead to a lot of hazardous ịnjuries, such as: broken arms, broken legs or traumatic brain injury. When an accident happens, children can be had the huge terrible influences[ab] on their health and learning in school, or even leaves sequelae which will make them extremely ashamed of others. As kids are in the most vulnerable age, they may easily have psychological problems that are so serious to their later life. The other[ac] convincing point is that sport is not an excited thing of children[ad]. They have no passion for it due to the weak physical and health or a fear of being public. If sport is based in[ae] their choice, children will feel relieved because they are taken the burden off and also they have a plenty of time to do homework and do chores. Moreover, it also indicates the high respect for democracy and students’ decision. In conclusion, I believe both the arguments have their merits. However, from my point of view, doing sport should be dependent on children’s selection. This is because they know exactly what they want the most.
In this day and age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a crucial role in school life for kids, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it had better be their option. There are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
valid arguments on both views, which I am going to discuss below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main argument in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
upgrade their physical strength and mental health
as well
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, kids[z] learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. They
are struggled
with their tricky assignments most of the day, from school to home.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has
been emerged
as one of the best solutions to deal with depression[
Possible spelling mistake found.
aa
]. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, all parts of their body are
flexibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
,
consequently
they will be healthier and more dynamic.
Therefore
, their mind may relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and academic performance is
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
In addition
, if kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
regularly
, their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will be able to
be made
progress. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
teams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
opponents, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn an abundance of vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to collaborate with teammates to achieve the victory such as: communication, teamwork and problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. These may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on their career path later.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on with classmates and complete
perfectly
difficult projects and presentations, if they have the teamwork and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
Furthermore
, they will
swiftly
solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quarrels with their colleagues in the future, owing to communication and problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the strong point in against is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hazardous
Possible spelling mistake found.
ịnjuries
, such as: broken arms, broken legs or traumatic brain injury. When an accident happens,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be had
the huge terrible influences[ab] on their health and learning in school, or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
Possible spelling mistake found.
sequelae
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
extremely
ashamed of others. As kids are in the most vulnerable age, they may
easily
have psychological problems that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
serious to their later life. The other[ac] convincing point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is not an excited thing of children[ad]. They have no passion for it due to the weak physical and health or a fear of being public. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is based
in[
Possible spelling mistake found.
ae
] their choice,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will feel relieved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are taken
the burden off and
also
they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time to do homework and do chores.
Moreover
, it
also
indicates the high respect for democracy and students’ decision.

In conclusion
, I believe both the arguments have their merits.
However
, from my point of view, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should be dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
selection. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know exactly what they want the most.
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IELTS essay In this day and age, some individuals consider that sport plays a crucial role in school life for kids, whereas others think it had better be their option

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
442 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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