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Can Afghanistan be a good place to study?

Can Afghanistan be a good place to study? rjDJ
Afghanistan has been a battle-zone since the Taliban began an uprising against the government. In addition, war has been impacted education negatively and limited people’s access to quality education. Therefore, many people think that Afghanistan is not a good place to assume studying because it has neither the security nor the appropriate system for quality education. I believe people in the war-zone still can have access to education and get the type of quality that they expect because it all depends on people’s capabilities and commitment to re-enforce the process of their education in safe and protective learning spaces. The majority of Afghans believe that studying in Afghanistan is difficult or somehow impossible. For example, a few months before an explosion happened to one of the educational centres in Afghanistan. In addition, a few months after this explosion, an attack happened at Kabul University and caused murdering lots of students. Thus, they think that the conflict between the government and the Taliban have made people scared even lots of teachers left teaching or not teaching properly. But I think that it depends on the students. In every country, violence is happening against students. Likewise, the USA is one of the most secure countries for students but still attacks happening to schools sometimes. Others argue that, since some teachers left teaching and some others are not teaching well, education has lost its quality. For instance, teachers get very disappointed when they take the risk and come to class for teaching, but they neither have good salaries nor do privileges. However, these reasons seem logical but in my point of view, there should be a sense of loyalty in every individual. Finally, some say that it is morally wrong to leave your country and go abroad for studying. In other words, everyone does not have the ability to pay for education-expenses abroad. Such as ticket, food, clothes, tuition, and other expenses. Furthermore, in Afghanistan, there are lots of good universities with low costs. Like, AUAF, Kateb University, Kardan University, etc. Despite many claims and arguments about studying in Afghanistan, I would like to say that there is nothing important other than the reputation of our country. It does not matter whether we are studying abroad or not. What is important is to serve our country in the best way possible. Dedication is to accept your country despite in-security and other problems.
Afghanistan has been a battle-zone since the Taliban began an uprising against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
In addition
, war has
been impacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
negatively
and limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that Afghanistan is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to assume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has neither the security nor the appropriate system for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the war-zone
still
can have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it all depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
capabilities and commitment to re-enforce the process of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in safe and protective learning spaces.

The majority of Afghans believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in Afghanistan is difficult or somehow impossible.
For example
, a few months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
an explosion happened to one of the educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in Afghanistan.
In addition
, a few months after this explosion, an attack happened at Kabul
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
and caused murdering lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Thus
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the conflict between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the Taliban have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
scared even lots of teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
properly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, violence is happening against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Likewise
, the USA is one of the most secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
attacks happening to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "school".
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.

Others argue that, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
well,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has lost its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
.
For instance
, teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disappointed when they take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they neither have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries nor do privileges.
However
, these reasons seem logical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my point of view, there should be a sense of loyalty in every individual.

Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that it is
morally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and go abroad for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, everyone does not have the ability to pay for education-expenses abroad. Such as ticket, food, clothes, tuition, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
expenses.
Furthermore
, in Afghanistan, there are lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
with low costs. Like,
Possible spelling mistake found.
AUAF
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kateb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kardan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, etc.

Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
claims and arguments about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in Afghanistan, I would like to say that there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than the reputation of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It does not matter whether we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
abroad or not. What is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is to serve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the best way possible. Dedication is to accept your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
despite in-security and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems.
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IELTS essay Can Afghanistan be a good place to study?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
399 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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