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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified, while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified, while others think it is unfair. AMlL
Successful athletes make a big amount of money compared to other important professions. Some people see this as something that is totally fair. Why is it just fair? Because some sports are simply popular, for example soccer, that they attract a lot of sponsors. Hence, the money. Moreover, athletes need a lot of dedication to be successful. To make achievement, they have to go through a lot of training that take time. The money they earn is proportional to their capability and accomplishment, so the more successful they are the more money they make. It is fair because they deserve it and the money is considered as merit-based. On the other hand, it is unfair to think how some important profession are not paid well enough. Doctors, teacher, farmers, and other important professionals even sometimes are struggling to pay their basic living. It would not be fair if we compare the benefit that we receive from them versus how much we pay them. Meanwhile, the benefit that we get from athletes sometimes is just for the sake of entertainment. Furthermore, some professions could be life-risking, for example, doctors during pandemic. Lastly, some professions really contribute a lot to the advancement of humanity, for instance, scientist and engineer. What they do is something that athletes could never give.
Successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
compared to other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
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professions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as something
that is
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fair
. Why is it
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just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fair
?
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Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports are
simply
popular,
for example
soccer, that they attract a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of sponsors.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of dedication to be successful. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
achievement, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go through a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of training that take time. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they earn is proportional to their capability and accomplishment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the more successful they are the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they deserve it and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is considered
as merit-based.

On the other hand
, it is unfair to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
are not paid well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. Doctors, teacher, farmers, and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professionals even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are struggling to pay their basic living. It would not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fair
if we compare the benefit that we receive from them versus how much we pay them. Meanwhile, the benefit that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of entertainment.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
could be life-risking,
for example
, doctors during pandemic.
Lastly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
really
contribute a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to the advancement of humanity,
for instance
, scientist and engineer. What they do is something that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
could never give.
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IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified, while others think it is unfair.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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