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By people opinon government should concentrate more on industries than education sector. Discuss both and give oppinion ?

By people opinon government should concentrate more on industries than education sector. JqPye
Industries and education sector are the most important thing in building a nation to its most developed form. Besides, considering to think about which is the one that we should concentrate more. In my opinion, the government should concentrate on both the sectors for a better future. To begin with, education is the most important thing that we need and it is the thing we are lacking and wr should oncentrate more on it. Moral values, patriotism and knowledge is mostly learned from school. Only by attaining knowledge a person can reach heights and it is the basic thing for getting good jobs. However, it can change the ifestyle of people as well as inspiration and change in the mentality of the society. The mindset of the society will grow upon by giving them high quality education and they will become more strength to the nation. It should be made stringnent by the government to provide education to the peoples. Secondly, if good education is given people should get good job opportunities as well for work and also to get payed better. However, we are lacking on these things. Mostly, in the case of India, we are a developing nation. so constructing a good Indutrical Sector will give opportunities for people and they can work very hard and can reach heights. Albeit, industries are backbone for a developing nation. In conclusion, government should provide people with good education and set up a good industrial sector for the betterment for our nation.
Industries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to its most developed form.
Besides
, considering to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about which is the one that we should concentrate more. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should concentrate on both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
for a better future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing that we need and it is the thing we are lacking and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wr
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
oncentrate
more on it. Moral values, patriotism and knowledge is
mostly
learned from school.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by attaining knowledge a person can reach heights and it is the basic thing for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
jobs.
However
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ifestyle
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as inspiration and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the mentality of the society. The mindset of the society will grow upon by giving them high quality
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they will become more strength to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. It should
be made
Possible spelling mistake found.
stringnent
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to the peoples.

Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job opportunities
as well
for work and
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Only in a nautical context 'payed' is an acceptable past tense form of 'pay'. Please check!
payed
better.
However
, we are lacking on these things.
Mostly
, in the case of India, we are a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
constructing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
Indutrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sector
will give opportunities for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they can work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and can reach heights. Albeit, industries are backbone for a developing nation.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and set up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
for the betterment for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
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IELTS essay By people opinon government should concentrate more on industries than education sector.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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