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By many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantage and disadvantages to children of doing so?

By many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantage and disadvantages to children of doing so? gEP3
Nowadays, parents motivate their children to indulge in various activities and doing part time job is one of them. This essay woll discuss both the meriets and demerits of the given notion in the upcoming paragraph. On the one side, ther are plethora of advantages of encouraging children toward the part time job. Firstly, it develop alot skills among the children such as they become more independent. Children also learn the importance of money and become more responsible. Doing part time job in the early age of life not only teach them the value of money but also helps to understand the hardest part of life. Apart from it, temporary job give a chance to meet with other people. which would be beneficial for developing the social skills. Moreover, if children doing a job which is also related to their acadmic carrier, it will give them opportunity to learn things practicaly rather than theory. For example, if a person learn about the fashion designing and also doing a part time job in the boutique then it is a beneficial for hin to understand all the concepts easily. On the flip side of the coin, although, there are various advantages of temporary job yet it also have a disadvantages too. When children join temporary jobs it may effect their mental ability, which might be lead them toward the depression. Another factor is that children may not able to spent their quality time with their family members due to their hectic schedule as they go to join the classes, after that they go for part time jobs. Hence, it also put ipact on their health because they have not enough time for doing exercises and yoga. In conclusion, eventhough, temporary jobs play an vital role in children life to enhance the communication skills as well as helps to face the difficulties of life but it also leads them towards the mental stress and effect their healthy lifestyle.
Nowadays, parents motivate their
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children
to indulge in various activities and
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doing
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is one of them. This essay
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woll
discuss both the
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meriets
and demerits of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion in the upcoming paragraph.

On the one side,
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ther are
plethora of advantages of encouraging
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children
toward the
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part
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time
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job
.
Firstly
, it
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develop
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alot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
among the
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children
such as they become more independent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
also
learn the importance of money and become more responsible.
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Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the early age of
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life
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach them the value of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to understand the hardest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Apart from it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
give a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
would be beneficial for developing the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, if
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children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is
also
related to their
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acadmic
carrier, it will give them opportunity to learn things
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practicaly
rather
than theory.
For example
, if a person learn about the fashion designing and
also
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doing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the boutique then it is a beneficial for
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hin
to understand all the concepts
easily
.

On the flip side of the coin, although, there are various advantages of
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temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
yet
it
also
Did you mean "has"?
have
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a disadvantage" or simply "disadvantages"?
a disadvantages
too. When
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
it may
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
their mental ability, which might be lead them toward the depression. Another factor is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not able to spent their quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family members due to their hectic schedule as they go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the classes, after that they go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Hence
, it
also
put
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ipact
on their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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time
for
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doing
exercises and yoga.

In conclusion
,
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eventhough
,
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temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
play
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
vital role in
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children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to enhance the communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to face the difficulties of
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life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
leads them towards the mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and effect their healthy lifestyle.
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IELTS essay By many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantage and disadvantages to children of doing so?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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