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These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or cultural events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or cultural events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? WdOb
Nowadays, many people tend to spend a large number of money just to attend sporting or cultural events. Some people think that it is not a good habit to follow because money should be used to fulfill and improve basic needs rather than unnecessary things. I totally disagree with this view and think that this trend is a positive development since it comes with numerous benefits. To begin with, some people argue that attending sporting or cultural events might cost a lot of money. The money, so this argument goes, usually spend for tickets, accommodations, transportations and foods before, during or even after the events. These people think that the money should be used to fulfill and improve basic needs. However, this argument is unacceptable. In fact, people usually use their savings if they want to do something that have no relation with their needs. After completing their basics, they will spend their money for hobbies and attending sporting or cultural event is a good example. By visiting some cultural events, people can learn about their own or others cultural elements and costumes in order to enrich themselves in terms of knowledge and understanding values that are inherited with the culture itself. Also, families can have a good quality time by enjoying some sport events, which sometimes is hobbies that they have in common. Hence, can create strong bond through family members. Additionally, by attending some sport events, parents can bring positivity and lessons to their children to be healthier, supportive and competent in order to achieve something. To conclude, attending sporting and cultural events is a positive development because it can enhance people with better knowledge in terms of cultures and sports. Also, this trend can bring positive effects through family member since they have time to be enjoyed together.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to spend
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to attend sporting or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit to follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to fulfill and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
basic needs
rather
than unnecessary things. I
totally
disagree with this view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this trend is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with numerous benefits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that attending sporting or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
might cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this argument goes,
usually
spend for tickets, accommodations, transportations and foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, during or even after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to fulfill and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
basic needs.
However
, this argument is unacceptable. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their savings if they want to do something that have no relation with their needs. After completing their basics, they will spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for hobbies and attending sporting or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example. By visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
or others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
elements and costumes in order to enrich themselves in terms of knowledge and understanding values that
are inherited
with the culture itself.

Also
, families can have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality time by enjoying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
is hobbies that they have in common.
Hence
, can create strong bond through family members.
Additionally
, by attending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, parents can bring positivity and lessons to their children to be healthier, supportive and competent in order to achieve something.

To conclude
, attending sporting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with better knowledge in terms of cultures and sports.
Also
, this trend can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects through family member since they have time to
be enjoyed
together.
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IELTS essay These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or cultural events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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